i made a tape for ben rogers once. i can't recall a single song on it. in fact, i don't remember making it. but i gave it to him and i commanded him:

even if you don't like it--YOU HAVE TO LOVE THIS TAPE!

about it, he said:

i heard the tale of a sad girl who loved more than she cried, and she cried all the time.

i think that may well be the most true and most powerful line ever used to characterize me.

i wish i knew how to make things mean something again. though i can't remember them, i know those songs were packaged with a lot meaning and emotion. they were sung by other people, but they were mine and they were his and they allegorized our memories for as long as the tape could play.

i am making a tape.