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hello again, cruel world

so when i said they all deserved each other, i meant it. i just had no idea they would take it to heart. it seems like just about everyone from the old gang (minus thur and i) is back to loving the rest of the gang. good for them.

of course, i'm a little confused as to why they have all chosen to forgive and forget the total betrayal between them and still hold grudges against me. i still don't feel like i did anything wrong to any of them (with the exception of jess perhaps. but i don't feel bad about that, because it was truly how i felt and i did not consider her a friend at the time it happened). apparently i'm wrong about that feeling though. so tell me:

what did i do to deserve this?

now, don't get me wrong. i'm not looking to restore friendships with any of these people. i'm just trying to better myself as a person. i'd like to realize my mistakes so i don't make them again.

if i had to guess why these people hate me...
amber--because i told her how i felt about the way she treated me or that stupid phone call because she really did make a big deal out of it, despite her argument that it didn't bother her.

keri--my response to the text messages. seriously though, i wasn't mad. that was all a big misunderstanding. if i had been mad, you can be sure she would have received 100 messages in a row that night.

jo3--because i point out his shortcomings and he refuses to own up to them or because he fucked up and can't have me.

jamie--now, i don't think she actually hates me, since we've never even met. but i'm sure i came off her friends list because i took her off mine. i'm not worried about that one at all. anyone that can talk that much shit about someone's past and present behavior and then go willingly back into a relationship with them deserves to get shit on all over again. and why ask for someone's advice if you're just going to go against it?

phil--i suppose i made him feel bad for offering to pay for him and amber to go to that party. and i'm sure he blames me for what happened with ben. and i'm sure amber gives him no choice but to hate me anyway.

so who else out there hates me? there must be more. not even hates really... but who else used to be my friend and then later decided i wasn't worth the trouble? i'd really like to know why this happens.

Comments

( 16 comments — Say Something )
pixylayne
Feb. 24th, 2004 05:19 pm (UTC)
and i did not consider her a friend at the time it happened
Time what happened? Joe cheated on you and I did not tell you... along with EVERYONE else. Or when you were telling Keri what to say? I actully do not care..Just wondering.
Amanda..Ben and I have been out of this "lets hate so-n-so this week" thing for a long time. We love all of you the same, If you are talking shit about us or bending over backwards to kiss our ass. We could care less. Everyone doesn't "hate" you. They may be hurt by a few things but at we all know healing takes time. You all mean a lot to us, and we are here for everyone. xoxo
shakewell
Feb. 24th, 2004 05:46 pm (UTC)
the time & my point exactly
"the time" being the time when i tought you were a liar and a bitch but was nice to your face. so, i guess that would be from the time i met you until .... well i don't know when. i guess maybe i still think you'd lie to me. so up until i told you what i thought of/think about you a couple weeks ago.

and "my point exactly" meaning if you love amber the same as you love me, then that's just totally fucked up. amber has not been a friend to you whatsoever for like a year and a half now. now, i haven't been perfect, but i've been about 8 million times better than her. christ, i had to give her some of my gifts for your baby shower, because she was going to show up empty-handed (she just wanted to laugh at you). so if you kids want to get back together, go right ahead. but, count me out. i'm not going to be second best to that trash.
pixylayne
Feb. 24th, 2004 06:39 pm (UTC)
you were a liar and a bitch
LOL.. Lied to you about what. How your boyfriend hit on me. My bad. I did not know you. So you still think I am a bitch.. I mean.. I seriously just want everything out in the open, but I am not going to say certain things.. simply because this is lj drama.
Yes, you have been there for me more then Amber... but obviously not as much as you claim.. if you think that shit still. But honestly, what is to say you have been my friend the whole time. I do not think that bringing up to Ben the times you guys had together and flirting with him while I am fucking 8 months pregnant and staying in madison while he stayed with you in Indy is being a very honest friend. But hey that is just my opinion and I am just getting it out in the open.
shakewell
Feb. 25th, 2004 06:44 am (UTC)
lies
i didn't say you lied to me. turns out i don't like it when people lie to my friends either.
pixylayne
Feb. 25th, 2004 08:04 am (UTC)
turns out i don't like it when people lie to my friends either.
didn't know I lied to any of your friends.
shakewell
Feb. 25th, 2004 06:45 am (UTC)
they may be hurt
yeah that's the whole point of this entry, to figure out what i did to hurt these people.
lambars
Feb. 24th, 2004 10:47 pm (UTC)
meat popsicle
I have never hated you, granted we have never been super close friends. Despite the fact that we lived under the same roof for a period of time. Nontheless I have no beef with you.

I just thought i would comment for the simple fact that I read your journal all of the time and i can not recall a time i have commented.

You know i was thinking the other day about that white ford tarus you had, and how that goddamn turn signal was brighter than the sun. Crazy Shit.

Just out of curiousity, do you have any hatred for me? Sometimes I get that feeling, i mean dont get me wrong, i was a pretty lame roommate, but i was pretty fucking uptight at that point in my life.

what the fuck am i writing so much for?

good morning.
shakewell
Feb. 25th, 2004 06:36 am (UTC)
negative
why does everyone think it was a ford tauras?! even the guy who did my estimate said that. pale riddah was a mercury sable!

but, anyway, i have no beef with you. i really never did. living together was hard. there were times where i felt like you disrespected me and there were times where i thought you let a lot of people disrespect you, so i didn't put a lot of weight into things you said/did.

still, a lot of people have been a lot worse to me, so i'm not going to hold a grudge. besides, i think you've grown up a lot and i respect that.
badrew
Feb. 25th, 2004 04:18 pm (UTC)
Re: meat popsicle
taurus? its a fucking mercury, represent!

we all hated each other in that apt, but for some reason it was still a lot of fun...maybe it was stews room, or watching dorso do stuff in living room, or you sitting on the floor and putting your head in keris lap har har har

anyway, you should spend less time online amanda...true, livejournal is a great place to remind people you fucking hate them (tim), we've been playing this online hate game for years now...results are always the same...heated drama, then a little awkardness, then we just get over shit...you should spend your time trying to pull tail online like me...personally I like the results a lot more
oscar_acosta
Feb. 25th, 2004 08:17 am (UTC)
None of my business...
It's really none of my business seeing that I don't know any of you, but come on. You people all really need to get a life. If someone's a bitch or a liar fu*ck em'. Dwelling on it is not going to solve a thing.

Just my 2 cents.
pixylayne
Feb. 25th, 2004 08:30 am (UTC)
If someone's a bitch or a liar fu*ck em'
I agree.. but shit... it seems like no matter what my name always gets put in the stupid drama posts!
oscar_acosta
Feb. 25th, 2004 08:41 am (UTC)
Re: If someone's a bitch or a liar fu*ck em'
In that situation just be the "bigger" person and ignore it. If you ignore them long enough eventually they'll go away.
shakewell
Feb. 25th, 2004 07:11 pm (UTC)
bring it up
i only brought your name up because you're the only person out of those listed that has a legitimate reason to be mad at or hate me as far as i can tell. so, i was by no means trying to bring that shit up with you until you brought it up in that comment.

the opint was i didn't understand why you would not be mad when you had every right to be and keri and amber would be mad for no good reason at all.

but i'm done trying to understand all that mess. i don't even think you kids know what's going on in your heads anymore. you can't even remember all the lies you told last year.
pixylayne
Feb. 26th, 2004 05:24 am (UTC)
Re: bring it up
I did not tell you any lies. And I told you before Ben and I do not care anymore about who is mad at who. This is old. Be mad if you want. I really do not care. As I told you the other night, I am still here for you if you change your mind.
kradams
Feb. 26th, 2004 11:29 am (UTC)
I'm sorry things did get so out of hand. I don't know if you got my last reply or not. But it said that, "I'm sorry for all the hurtful shit i said and i didn't really mean it. I'm not asking for acceptance of an apology. I just want you to know that i am still here for you." I understand if you never want to talk to me again. Things were just a BIG misunderstanding. Anyway, if you would like to talk, and not on here where everyone can see...my e-mail is keriradams@yahoo.com, and you know my cell phone. Bye!
shakewell
Mar. 3rd, 2004 11:08 am (UTC)
apologies
it's great that you're sorry or whatever. but, i mean, you can't realy take back all that shit you said in front of all those people. so, i doubt i will ever talk to you again about anything so personal. i'm not particularly mad at you or anything, i just don't understand how you, amber and jess all seem to do that when it comes to me. ALL of this shit was just one big misunderstanding. oh well. i gotta tell ya though, keri, you really blew amber out of the water when it came down to kicking me when i was down. congratulations.

i was trying to be funny the other day with all that "you know who you are" shit. but someone's always got to play that suicide card with me. i love it. it honestly makes me laugh now, but it always leads to more miscommunication--especially with amber. but that's another story...

ANYWAY, i really am glad that things are going well for you and that you're enjoying life. it feels good to be grown up enough to enjoy all this mature business of real jobs and real friends. i wish you nothing but the best, keri. and i hope that you learned something through all of this, that obviously amber and jess haven't. i'd hate to see you do that to someone again. it was pretty raw.

and, i guess i wanted to say watch yourself with amber. i'd REALLY hate to see her hurt you as much as she hurt me (over NOTHING). but i think you're smart enough to do that anyway. i wish i had been.

love ya.
( 16 comments — Say Something )

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