sWell (shakewell) wrote,

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god... where do i even begin?

those bandages. they covered both of his forearms. cuts so bad he had to get stitches. i can't believe his mom asked to see them. i know i'd lose it if i saw them. i'm not sure i could ever look at him the same way if i saw them.

i can't believe my friends and family became so complacent about my scars.

he seemed like the same person he always was. perhaps a little more reserved. but still joking. still laughing. but when i hugged him, it seemed so hollow. so empty. i just wanted to hold him tight and cry. but it's like he wasn't even there.

i'm so conflicted about this whole ordeal. since joe and i broke up, i've lost a lot of the emotional attatchment i once had. and since john died, i just can't seem to get sad about anything. what's the point?

he's coming home soon and i just don't know what to do. how do i act? what do i say? it's so terrible that you can't make sense of the world for people. some lessons they just have to learn for themselves.

you know, i really am sorry for those of you who had to watch me go through this (over and over again). my sincerest apologies...

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