"When Episode I--The Phantom Menace came out in 1999, all the adults who waited in line for seventy-two hours to buy opening night tickets were profoundly upset at the inclusion of Jar Jar Binks. 'He's annoying,' they said. Well, how annoying would R2D2 have seemed if you hadn't been in the third fucking grade? Viewed objectively, R2D2 is like a dwarf holding a Simon."
"Darth Vader beats Luke the way Ike used to beat Tina."
"Proof that America is ultimately a sympathetic nation surface in 1976 when a consumer election sponsored by General Mills indicated that over 99 percent of Trix eaters felt that the flamboyant six-foot rabbit deserved a bowl of Trix, which places his approval rating on par with Colin Powell in 1996."