i'm in a weird place today. i am punishing myself for things other people have done. one phone call set off that familiar chain of events and i dug myself into a terrible place last night.

and it's not that worry i said i'd been missing. it's not anything to do with real life; it's the place in my mind that i've created just to be unhappy. i go there, eagerly, with full knowledge of what i'll do to myself.

i shut them out, because they make me smile, laugh and forget, because they keep me from that place.

but i don't feel unhappy really. i feel like i should be unhappy--for shutting people out and for wanting to be unhappy, but it's just blank.

so, now, i'm empty and blank--a winning combination to be sure.