sWell (shakewell) wrote,
sWell
shakewell

sound advice

people keep telling me that i should just do what makes me happy. in theory, it's great advice and i wholeheartedly agree. but, it glosses over the heart of my dilemma--i don't know what makes me happy.

more accurately, things that make me happy for a time also tend to make me quite unhappy some time later.

for example, i like to go to the bar with friends from work. i do not, however, like to have everyone else at work hear and then talk about what happened (and sometimes what didn't happen) at the bar.

i'd like to return to hawaii immediately, but i (for once) would not like to leave my employer in a bind by not fulfilling my commitment. i would also not like disappointing my friends in hawaii... again.

i'd like to go back to school, but i would not like to be another $10,000 in debt. i would also not like to fail.

right now, i just can't seem to decide what's most important in my life. maybe it's because nothing is at the moment. for a while, i think, i'd just like to sort of float through existence not making waves. i'm tired. even the things that i think make me happy end up making me sad, so why bother? i suppose some might argue that i'd be sad for the lack of effort, the what if's. i don't know.

it's just that time of year again. i'm sad for what i do and sad for what i don't do. i'm sad for all my faults and sad for everything out of my control.

yes, yes. just snap out of it. just be happy. i know, i know. so, shut up. i'm not seeking advice (and never was); it only makes me feel worse for going against what i should (and do) know already.
Tags: depression, reflection
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments