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truth be told

i kind of hate you guys for not having more to say to me, now that i'm gone.

i guess that's one way to help me get over the homesickness. so, uhh... thanks i guess


May. 8th, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC)
easy, guy.

i didn't blame anyone for anything. i said i hated it that no one (who said they'd miss me so much) seems to give a shit, now that i'm actually gone. i didn't say i was depressed because of it. i'm depressed for reasons completely outside of that situation, reasons i have expressed in previous posts.

but, do i wish my friends would see that i'm down, step up and offer a shoulder to lean on? hell yes!

well, matt actions speak louder than words. a lot of talk doesn't do shit.

damn it... i gotta feed the horses. i've got a lot more to say to you.
May. 9th, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)
So first off, that's the last time I write a response right after waking up. Anyway...

"i said i hated it that no one..."

No, you said "i kind of hate you guys...". There's a difference. You rephrased it as situational, but it was stated in personal terms. And when you're saying you hate the people that, from what I've seen, have been there for you quite a number of times in the past, that's deuces.

I care a lot about you and don't like to see you not getting along, especially so far from home. I know how hard it must be. But I don't think my first post was out of line. You blame people not for what they've done, but for their failure to meet your expectations. I realize that in your post you refer to expectations that they've given you, and thus your anger is justifiable. But I guess I feel I've seen this before.

Like when everyone got together for your going away party, it was the first time I'd seen IPWIB truly united in a long time. And in one of your subsequent posts you said, "i will really do my best to avoid such send-off events in the future. i'd much rather just skip town or announce my journies on the day of departure. or maybe just never look back." Which to me meant that it was more trouble to you than anything and you'd be better off just leaving everyone behind and moving on.

Also, just because people don't reply doesn't mean they don't give a shit about you. Maybe they didn't have anything interesting to say, maybe nothing came to mind that they didn't feel was obvious. Maybe they assumed you knew they cared. Maybe they had a lot going on in their lives. Whenever my mom can't get me on the phone for a few days, she defaults to assuming that I'm dead somewhere. Whenever people don't interact with you as you'd like, you default to assuming they don't give a shit about you. Neither are incomprehensible, just not entirely rational.

I'm probably taking some things out of context. You could probably point out what you really meant in these situations. Why I've misinterpreted certain phrases and came to illogical conclusions. But maybe there is an element of truth to what I'm saying, and maybe you could learn something from it.

And if I was really pissed I wouldn't have bothered to post anything. I hope you work things out and can enjoy the big island. Break out of yourself and start interacting with people even if it feels awkward at first.

And eat some mangos. They're delicious.

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