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truth be told

i kind of hate you guys for not having more to say to me, now that i'm gone.

i guess that's one way to help me get over the homesickness. so, uhh... thanks i guess


( 16 comments — Say Something )
May. 8th, 2006 01:11 am (UTC)
I'm not good at keeping in touch. You probably already knew that.
I hope you're doing well. Make friends, eat some food!
May. 8th, 2006 03:54 am (UTC)
i got "aloha k.k." last night!

and thanks for the comment. i don't really need 'em from every friend on every entry, but it's nice to get a little love when i'm reaching out.
May. 8th, 2006 11:41 am (UTC)
Sorry you're having a rough time. When I went on my senior project to San Fran for 6 weeks, every time I ran into problems, no matter how small, it seemed so much worse just because I was away from home. Try to enjoy the experience as much as you can... and the beauty of that place. Know that, by the time you get back, all you'll remember is how exciting and beautiful it was. I'm really jealous.
May. 8th, 2006 12:53 pm (UTC)
moving to a new place can be really rough and discouraging at times. new surroundings, new people, new way of life and all that junk. just remember that you are there, out of indiana, DOING something with your life.

thats just what i try to tell myself when i get lonely and sad in this place. life isnt supposed to be easy, thats what makes it so fun and interesting. makes it worth living.

only advice i can really give you is to take advantage of any opportunity to do something with other people. making new friends outside of a school atmosphere is very hard to do and takes time and patience. if its something you dont know much about, try it out and learn. try and organize things with other people, and if they dont want to, then fuck em. at least you tried, and i think the feeling of regret is worse than being rejected.

go big or go home, thats just what i tell myself.

(oh, and enjoy the scenery)
May. 8th, 2006 01:49 pm (UTC)
Hey, fuck off. Stop blaming others for the way you feel and you'll realize that you're in control of it. Feeling powerless in certain situations doesn't mean that you are. And don't expect, appreciate. Peoples feelings for you aren't always evident in actions, and belittling them because they aren't displayed in the way you need at the time is a slap in the face.
May. 8th, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC)
easy, guy.

i didn't blame anyone for anything. i said i hated it that no one (who said they'd miss me so much) seems to give a shit, now that i'm actually gone. i didn't say i was depressed because of it. i'm depressed for reasons completely outside of that situation, reasons i have expressed in previous posts.

but, do i wish my friends would see that i'm down, step up and offer a shoulder to lean on? hell yes!

well, matt actions speak louder than words. a lot of talk doesn't do shit.

damn it... i gotta feed the horses. i've got a lot more to say to you.
May. 9th, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)
So first off, that's the last time I write a response right after waking up. Anyway...

"i said i hated it that no one..."

No, you said "i kind of hate you guys...". There's a difference. You rephrased it as situational, but it was stated in personal terms. And when you're saying you hate the people that, from what I've seen, have been there for you quite a number of times in the past, that's deuces.

I care a lot about you and don't like to see you not getting along, especially so far from home. I know how hard it must be. But I don't think my first post was out of line. You blame people not for what they've done, but for their failure to meet your expectations. I realize that in your post you refer to expectations that they've given you, and thus your anger is justifiable. But I guess I feel I've seen this before.

Like when everyone got together for your going away party, it was the first time I'd seen IPWIB truly united in a long time. And in one of your subsequent posts you said, "i will really do my best to avoid such send-off events in the future. i'd much rather just skip town or announce my journies on the day of departure. or maybe just never look back." Which to me meant that it was more trouble to you than anything and you'd be better off just leaving everyone behind and moving on.

Also, just because people don't reply doesn't mean they don't give a shit about you. Maybe they didn't have anything interesting to say, maybe nothing came to mind that they didn't feel was obvious. Maybe they assumed you knew they cared. Maybe they had a lot going on in their lives. Whenever my mom can't get me on the phone for a few days, she defaults to assuming that I'm dead somewhere. Whenever people don't interact with you as you'd like, you default to assuming they don't give a shit about you. Neither are incomprehensible, just not entirely rational.

I'm probably taking some things out of context. You could probably point out what you really meant in these situations. Why I've misinterpreted certain phrases and came to illogical conclusions. But maybe there is an element of truth to what I'm saying, and maybe you could learn something from it.

And if I was really pissed I wouldn't have bothered to post anything. I hope you work things out and can enjoy the big island. Break out of yourself and start interacting with people even if it feels awkward at first.

And eat some mangos. They're delicious.
May. 8th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
Matt-Matt? As in: Matty-Matt?
May. 12th, 2006 04:25 am (UTC)
If by Matty-Matt you mean the Matt that lived with Stew 'n' Spoogis last year, then yes. Else... no.
May. 12th, 2006 11:29 am (UTC)
Well hey there, Matt!
May. 8th, 2006 03:20 pm (UTC)
i understand how you feel about the food thing and not wanting to ask for help (i starved for two days in canada because i couldn't find a food place that would take an ATM card). i tried to think of some good advice, but i really don't know what (if anything) i've done that has helped me with it, besides just getting to the point where i don't give a fuck what people think... after a while if you just remind yourself that no (wo)man is an island... you're 4000 miles from home, it would be weird if you *didn't* need anything from anyone. and people are generally pretty willing to help other people. (of course, it's the line between knowing something like that intellectually and *knowing* it that's the trouble.)

this will pass, it always does.

(apologies for the incoherency)
May. 9th, 2006 03:12 am (UTC)
how long did you say you'd be in hawaii? :)
May. 9th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
oh i need attention!
get over yourself!!!
May. 9th, 2006 10:18 pm (UTC)
call me back chump
May. 10th, 2006 05:52 am (UTC)
was that your voice mail? i listed to it in the car (jeep with the top down) but couldn't tell for sure who it was. then my phone died.

i will call you next time i'm in town, but i don't know when that will be.
May. 13th, 2006 07:52 pm (UTC)
I'd be pissed off too.

We'll hafta get some mutual friends together and make an effort to hang out when you get back. I think we could be awesome friends someday.
( 16 comments — Say Something )

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