sWell (shakewell) wrote,

i've got friends in low places

as things come down to the wire for the big move, my life is getting pretty hectic. it's crazy. frankly, it's all very exhausting. and, i'm not sure if it's that or some other reason, but i'm finding more and more reasons to be glad i'm leaving, which, in itself, makes me very sad.

anyway, i had a hilariously good time in madison last weekend. for as anxious and antisocial as i am, i had a real blast goofing around with a bunch of old drunks. i also got to see my sister get belligerent drunk, which was fun, because i got to see what i'm like when i get that way, but was also not fun, because it meant i had to stop drinking and keep an eye on her.

i managed to get a wicked sunburn on what has been my only day out in the sun this year. i was going to start tanning before i went to hawaii, to avoid such a catastrophe, but now my back is such a mess of redness and peeling skin, i feel certain i will have to endure another round or two of this on the island.

an interesting side note, my newly buzzed head did not get burned at all. and, my mohawk went over incredibly well in madison (at the american legion), much to my dismay.

while in madison, i got to catch up with roguebadass and banjo a little, though not as much as would have liked.

i don't know what it is with me and banjo. i don't know when it started. i thought it was when she left for iu, but, the more i think about it, it had to have been with wes or micah or, hell, maybe even before that.

we used to have this amazing friendship, unlike anything i've ever had before or since. i spent all my time with her. i told her everything. we shared everything. we never fought. i felt more at home with her and her family than anywhere else in the world.

but, now, when i see her (once a year or so), it's like we're strangers. she still introduces me as her best friend, we still say we love one another (and i believe we truly do), but there's this awkwardness there like we don't even know each other anymore (and, i suppose we don't, really).

it's just weird, because all my other friends from that time and place are people i can just pick right back up with. these are people i lose contact with for years and years at a time, people i don't even hear about anymore, who just drop back into their groove in my life. hell, i had a deep conversation about this very topic with sephon, monday afternoon, and i really don't know if i've ever had a serious conversation with that man in my life. but, with banjo and, consequently, roguebadass, on sunday, it seemed like it was impossible to find anything below the surface (and sometimes even on it) to talk about.

and, why do i write about this here? i'm just trying to determine what i'm doing wrong. this is something in my life i have to fix or get over. i know i haven't shown it for a long time and for many reasons, but i love this girl more than i've ever loved anyone in my life. besides the fact that i would just be a colossal loser today, had i not met her, she's also filled a lot of roles in my life where others fell short. doubtful that she even knows it, but she's saved my life on more than one occasion.

i owe it to her to at least figure out my fucking issue with all of this and get back to treating her the way she deserves.
Tags: alcohol, banjo, friendship, madison, roguebadass
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.