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unsent letters

i was going to buy you a compass for christmas. i know it was cheesy. i know i got the idea from a television show. but i knew it would have meant something.

i wanted to the next time we found each other to be easier, not easy, but easier. i wanted you to know where to look. i wanted you to remember that you were looking, that you needed to keep looking. i wanted to make sure you didn't forget me again.

but i don't think a compass can help us and our polar disparities now.

i don't know why i continue to see the man you could be, despite the man you are. it isn't fair to you. i'm sorry. it's not that you're not good, it's that you're not your best. but who is? not me.

well, so this is your present now. an unaddressed letter that will find you if you still care about my life a little, but won't hurt you at all if you don't. i wanted you to know that i was thinking of you, all this time you were forgetting about me--not to make you feel guilty, but to make you feel loved.

everyone deserves to feel loved by someone. i'm glad you don't need it from me anymore, because you find it in so many familiar faces. you seem so happy compared to last winter. not that i can see or know much about you anymore.

i think i told you that you were better off without me. you didn't believe me then, but here we are today. it's a shitty thing for me to be right about, but i'm happy for you anyway.

-<3-

a.

[posted to unsentletters]

Comments

( 4 comments — Say Something )
me0wkp
Dec. 12th, 2005 09:30 pm (UTC)
so you didn't quit watching ER after all...=)
i've been really excited about the episodes lately, i hope they continue to be decent.
shakewell
Dec. 12th, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)
nope. i said "one more just to be sure" before the john stamos episode where neela did her ride along and it was a great episode so i decided to ride it out.

i'm kind of surprised they got rid of that nurse manager so soon, though. she seemed to make things a little more interesting. hmm. maybe she'll freak out, come back to the e.r. and fuck some people up! lol.
bcflood
Dec. 13th, 2005 08:12 am (UTC)
shakewell
Dec. 13th, 2005 03:27 pm (UTC)
aww thanks! that was awesome! made my day!!!
( 4 comments — Say Something )

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