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fools in love

to hear the disappointment in someone's voice when you call to tell them you're coming to town is unbearable. even bad reception can't hide that hurt. maybe it's not really disappointment, but it's certainly a lack of excitement. and maybe even frustration at the thought of having to catch up with someone you let go.

late at night, when i can't sleep, when i shuffle through the leaves on the street, bundled in ten layers of cozy comfort, i wonder what he's doing and why i should wonder such a thing at such a time. my mind grapples with why his words just ran out one day. the letters ceased and the phone stopped ringing. i fight the urge to fill the void with my own words, telling him he never has to say another word, because it isn't true. he has a lot of explaining to do.

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( 4 comments — Say Something )
grae_
Nov. 12th, 2005 10:56 am (UTC)
Yesterday I had to go to the doctor, to get a referal somewhere.

Because I'm visiting my parents, and everyone I know in this city is a christian, that means I can't go out and get drunk without doing so on my own.

So I lied to the doctor, and told him I might need some ozaxepam (valliumesque) to 'get by'. It only cost $4. And I figure why not exploit my situation ocassionally.

I picked it up in the afternoon, knowing full well that my parents would be staying at a friend's place last night. Even though they wouldn't be home, they share a split house with my grandparents, so it'd be hard to hide drinking a six pack from them, and the ensuing rubbish. But it wouldn't be hard to hide being bombed out of my brains from my grandparents. So I dropped about 5 of the pills over the period of about an hour or so, and watched a history channel DVD documentary on [ the SR-71 ].

I was about half way through the fairly fascinating documentary (god I love docos), when I realised I was sprawled out on the floor next to my chair, it was about 8 hours later, and the DVD had well and truly finished.

The moral of the story would be, drugs can make you sleep, a lot more suddenly than even I realised.

Do you take anything for your insomaniac ways?

(yeah, I think that typo is clever - and your legal system has no jurisdiction here so you can't sue)
shakewell
Nov. 15th, 2005 03:08 am (UTC)
no i've never taken anything. i'm afraid to become dependent. i'm really afraid i'll take the whole bottle.

i don't even keep tylenol in the house anymore. haven't for years. i don't trust myself. i rest comfortably with the fact that while there are times i would gladly swallow any and all drugs/poisons in the house, those are the same times when i could never be motivated to leave the house and go to the damn grocery store.

but yeah i know i alot of people who take sleep aids and swear by them. i wish i could.
sexymathteacher
Nov. 12th, 2005 03:13 pm (UTC)
but we all love you
I try not to take offense. But when I talk about visiting my mom and sister in Nashville to see my sister's and niece's new houses, their forced and transparently fained excitement is the worst.

Take comfort in knowing there are lots of other people that love having you around. People who love and appreciate you.
shakewell
Nov. 15th, 2005 03:09 am (UTC)
Re: but we all love you
thank you thank you so much. =)
( 4 comments — Say Something )

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