sWell (shakewell) wrote,

focusin [miraasan]

i'm doing that thing again where i just become completely oblivious to assignments given orally in class. i wrote some of them down, but then never opened my notebook again until i got back to class. and there are some that didn't even register when i heard them, so i didn't write them down at all.

and i sit here all day thinking, "i wish i had some homework to do to kill some time." but i forget that i do have homework. i don't open my notebooks. i read a little, maybe.

why can't i just focus? i've had this problem all my life, but i've yet to find a way to deal with it.

i remember when sparks used to have his teachers write his assignments on a certain piece of paper everyday. his parents probably had to sign it too. i'd accept something so ridiculously structured, but i know i'd never even take it out of my bag at home.

i guess the best thing would just be to do my homework right after class, but that's a little tough to do with these evening classes. ugh. i don't know.

i really wonder what my problem is though. i know i don't have ADD. is it yet another subconscious effort to self-destruct? it could be, but i don't think so. i just can't seem to focus in a room full of people.

it's better now than it was in high school. and better then than in elementary school. i was completely oblivious to assignments (especially out-of-class projects) for weeks. it would actually be this big surprise to me when people would start turning in their term paper and whatnot.

so, maybe i'm slowly growing out of it. i hope so. i'm really not sure what else i can do to circumvent it.

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