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it's not that i'm jealous exactly. i don't wish it were me now. i don't want him back. i know i'm better off without him.

it's just that i would have been better off with out him sooner or at all.

i think of all the things he couldn't do for me and i know he just wouldn't.

i think of how he said he still loved me. but it all ended after that one sentence.

i'm mostly just boggled about people in general. i don't know how to differentiate until after the fact. maybe there's no way to tell. maybe we're all the same, it just takes time for it to manifest.

a plane. missed classes (of his senior year).

my first instinct is to say "i wish i'd been good enough for him," but i know that's not really what i mean. in all other things, i discredit his ability to discern greatness. why should my own personal worth be any different, especially when i scorn his determining sense of good character?

that's the trouble of second-hand living.

what i really wish is that i was good enough for me. then i never would have needed him and he never could have hurt me.

or only to a certain point at least.

Comments

( 3 comments — Say Something )
shakewell
Nov. 3rd, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
beatfreak 2005-04-25 08:46 pm UTC
Cryptic...

I always think I know who you're talking about, then I realize that I don't. You kind of boggle me :) Especially when it comes to the men (or boys... whatever) in your life. You can chat it up with me sometime if you feel the desire.
shakewell
Nov. 3rd, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
miraasan 2005-04-27 07:18 pm UTC most everyone knows
it's almost always about joe. he still finds a way to make me feel gulty about the course of my life despite my own confidence in my choices.

and he still has almost no remorse of the life he lives.

that's what boggles me.
shakewell
Nov. 3rd, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
beatfreak 2005-04-27 07:25 pm UTC Re: most everyone knows
Oh.
( 3 comments — Say Something )

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