the funny thing is, i don't feel bad for having sex with (practical) strangers. i feel bad that i let other people make me feel guilty for enjoying what i do. i mean seriously, few things in my life make me very happy at all. but connecting with people is something that really makes me feel like i have something worth being alive for. it's not like i hook up with people just for the sex. i don't fuck random guys i can't stand just so i can get some action. i find them attractive, not just physically, but emotionally. and even if we never talked again, these one night stands are a lot more rewarding than most of my past relationships.
i'd rather sleep with a hundred random dudes who treat me good for a night than go crawling back to another pathetic ex-boyfriend.
and, i'm generally fairly careful, but it's not like i really care. i mean, i've had a death wish for as long as i can remember. getting knocked up or saddled with some gross disease is all the excuse that i need. which is fine, because a few nights of irresponsible happiness is better than a life of desolate, celibate misery.
i wasn't born to die an old maid. an old anything, really.
it's getting close.