sWell (shakewell) wrote,

love always.

i feel like these are my moments of clarity. uninhibited. unchecked.

found out i TOTALLY had some people's name's wrong tonight. i'm a fucking douche kazoo if there ever was one. oh well. them's the breaks or something...

discovered i may just be the object of some misplaced affection. it weird, really weird, to have something like that pointed out to me. it's fighting all those years of having been told, not that i was just plain and boring, but masculine and ugly. i can't believe that in a room full of beautiful women anyone would notice, let alone be looking at me, but at the same time i can't deny the fact that they are. it's a real mind fuck for me.

people always used to give me a hard time about not knowing when guys were hitting on me. it's not that i didn't see or realize what they were doing, i just couldn't get over the mindset that no one would ever love me. so, the intent was completely lost on me.

anyway, i had fun tonight. didn't really dance much, but i met a lot of people. and i kept it real with menlie and kristen. really, who would have thought menlie and i would have ever become friends AND spend our thursday nights on the dancefloor. it's all boggling to me. if you would have asked me a year ago, i could never have imagined myself here, though, no doubt, i was dreaming it.

it just goes to show you...
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