sWell (shakewell) wrote,

i found poetry in postcards

i discovered yesterday that i was fast approaching my 1000th entry. since that moment, i've been unable to commit any text to this journal. i don't know why it should matter what i write on that occasion or before it. 999 entries of pedantic drivel won't seem any more important compared the one that knocks my entries into quadruple digits. it's all the same and none of it means anything.

speaking of things that don't mean anything (that's everything, mind you), i had an idea today that i might just start telling people whatever i fancy at the moment, rather than being honest. i mean, it appears that, 97% of the time, no one is even listening and about 2.9% of the time they don't believe you anyway, because they're so sure they've got you all figured out. so what's it matter? it doesn't matter much, i suppose, to many people at all.

i've detached myself from anger, but not yet from hurt. oh well. another wound, another scar, another loss of sensitivity. the pain, i think, involves more egocentric issues and not the relationship that brought them on. i'm not surprised it happened again; i'm surprised i let it.

yes, yes. pity party for amanda.

anyway, the cedar point trip was postponed until tomorrow due to adverse weather conditions. things are looking good for the new date. i'm less excited about having to drive now, since i have to work tuesday morning, but, with any luck, i'll get fired anyway and i won't have to worry about it.


when i finally found my phone i was surprised to see the log of calls i'd made. i don't remember any of them. i find it odd that i blacked out parts of the night between other moments i can recall. you'll have that, though, i guess.

i need to stop, but i won't. it will probably get worse from here. that's just how i do, ya know?

i think i have some apologies to make, but i'm not entirely sure what for. i just get this feeling that i totally overstepped my bounds and became that girl that won't go away. i guess i'm lucky i don't hang out with total creeps. god only knows what he could have done.

and i would have had it coming.

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