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7.01.05 2.18 yo, amanda, what's up? like i can't believe that you wouldn't answer my fucking call. i'm so drunk on my 21st fucking birthday and you woudln't answer my fucking call. like me and eli and sk8rock are in the fucking bathroom in fucking marsh on my 21st fucking birthday. and you won't answer my fucking call cuz you'd rather be with some fucking asshole that you just fucking met for some fucking house shit... i consider that really fucked up. listen, i'm all down for meeting some people...but ignoring your fucking friends. you're fucking boy. thats fucked up. you know that. real fucked up. so don't fucking bother fucking talking to me again unless you're talking some friend shit alright. so fuck off next time you wanna talk to me. that really actually hurt my fucking drunkass fucking 21st birthday feelings.. fuck off i'll be with eli alright. fuck off.

7.01.05 2.33 oh my god baby. like it's my 21st and i can't believe you're not fucking answering my fucking calls like i'm really fucking like tore up about this shit cuz i'm... fucking drunk but. like its my 21st birthday and you didn't even look out for me alright .... i think that's pretty fucking fucked up. so, baby, baby just fuck it alright. i can't believe you did this shit... you don't have to worry about this shit from now on, alright? my fucking 21st fucking birthday and you can't even fucking help me out and fucking look out for me. fuck it alright. fuck it.

7.01.05 2.46 listen, amanda, i gotta be quiet. because eli said i gotta be quiet... you fucking left us for some fucking dudes alright listen. thats some really fucked up shit that you did. like i know were not together but i'm still your kinda dude or whatever... oh let me look around real quick. oh listen we're fucking not together. you fucking left me and my boys for some jerk ass fucking dudes. i'm drunk as shit on my 21st birthday and you're supposed to be my half-assed girl but you're not alright. you're fucking not... you're acting like you're not my fucking girl and we both know that we're like i'm your like your half-assed fucking boy... i don't even know what to say at this point. like you left me. me, which is like i'm like your... i'm sorta your boy... whats even more fucked up is that you left eli too. you fucking left your fucking brother here with me... i hope you understand what the fuck you've fucking done, alright? you don't have to tell me chill alright. chill... i really really really expect some fucking apologies tonight. its my 21st fucking birthday and you left me and shit alright. you left me on my fucking 21st fucking birthday. you left me and eli and fucking sk8rock in the fucking parking lot.. please, please tell me you're sorry or else fuck it. i'm gone.

7.01.05 3.03 baby, it's so fucked up that you won't fucking answer my calls on my fucking 21st fucking birthday. like i hope you hear this when you're fucking sober and realize what the fuck you're doing. its my fucking 21st fucking birthday and you won't bother to answer my fucking calls. with me and your fucking brother and sk8rock stuck at some fucking bullshit inn because you don't wanna kick it with us. it really fucks with me. it really fucks with my heart. it breaks my heart because you'd rather fucking get in with some bullshit fucking scene kids. in the fucking house scene. ..trying to make a name for yourself with some fucking house kids like i don't know. i know its cool to be in some scene and shit. but fuck dude... fuck that baby. baby... cuz what you're doing like i love you so much but what you're doing right now is so fucked up that i don't even wanna love you. cuz i do baby. i don't know what's going on cuz i'm so drunk and its my fucking 21st birthday and you don't even want to fucking hang out with me on my 21st birthday... i hope you really fucking feel bad about that shit cuz right now i'm laying in some fucking grass in some fucking hotel. who knows i might go to fucking jail tonight cuz i'm so drunk and i don't have you fucking looking out for me like i fucking should. that's really fucked up. you better have a goddamn fucking good excuse for not looking out for me tonight or i'm fucking gone. if you don't have a good excuse don't fucking talk to me again i fucking mean that shit too.. my fucking 21st birthday... fuck you bitch. alright you fucking hear me. fuck you bitch. fuck off and fucking die. gone.

7.01.050 5.59 baby like. like. baby like. i don't even know like. you fucking broke my heart so bad. will just give me a call back please. like i don't even fucking care what you have to say just fucking call me back. please just fucking call me baby...really fucked up.. call me back. bye.

7.01.05 6.03 baby like i love you so much just like umm like whatever. fucking call me. i don't care if i'm asleep or not. just call me and wake my ass up just fucking talk to me and see what the fuck happened cuz... should have been my best fucking birthday ever. its my 21st birthday. me and eli and tyler. and you fucking ditched us. fucking just call me. just call me. and fucking say what happened. say you fucking love me and all that other shit. right now i don't even know i'm so fucking drunk i just feel like i feel so fucking betrayed so. i know it's dumb shit to feel like that but fuck it baby like. like i feel like a fucking asshole. like i feel like the biggest fucking loser ever getting ditched on my 21st birthday. so just talk to me please. i'm not going to ever i'm not gonna call you again ever. so call me baby. tell me whats up baby please. i'll talk ot you when you call me. bye.

7.01.05 6.11 baby like i don't know whats going on right now like we had to get a hotel room cuz you left us. like me and eli and fucking tyler. fuck it like i'm talking to my mom right now on the other line. she's getting ready to call me back but like just call me alright please just call me and talk just talk to me. please.

Comments

( 25 comments — Say Something )
(Anonymous)
Jul. 3rd, 2005 08:59 pm (UTC)
Is it really necessary to post all those. Are you trying to embarrass him or what? And I think that shit is kinda personal and shouldn't be on here!
shakewell
Jul. 3rd, 2005 09:05 pm (UTC)
just recording the facts. giving us both something to look back on and learn from.

i don't really care what you think should or shouldn't be on my journal. (as if you're one to talk...)
beatfreak
Jul. 4th, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC)
"Are you trying to embarass him or what?"
More like "humiliate."
Damn.
shakewell
Jul. 5th, 2005 03:56 am (UTC)
careless with hearts, sure, but who with whose?
so... i'm a cunt for posting what my "boy" had to say to me. and he's like... totally excused for saying it?

beatfreak
Jul. 5th, 2005 07:49 pm (UTC)
Re: careless with hearts, sure, but who with whose?
First of all, I didn't call you that.
Yes, I do think that it was inappropriate to post that since it obviously showed him at some extremely vulnerable moments... and I know that you're very adament about the whole "It's my LJ, I can write what I want." Indeed, you can, but I felt very sad for him when I read that post, because he sounded like he felt so desperate and depressed about what had happened with you that night. Some of it was shitty, but for the most part, it just sounded sad, and it really depressed me to see that you had transcribed that in order to, I guess, teach him a lesson.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 5th, 2005 11:03 pm (UTC)
Re: careless with hearts, sure, but who with whose?
Nicely put! I I don't know you, but I totally agree with you.
stewbot
Jul. 4th, 2005 02:59 am (UTC)
damn.. thats outta control. I was gonna ask about the messages that i left because I don't remember any of them. All of those messages were completely inappropriate for me to leave so i'm sorry. I was drunk and thats my excuse. wow.. i can't believe I said all that shit.
badrew
Jul. 4th, 2005 06:05 pm (UTC)
so whats the fuck count?
shakewell
Jul. 5th, 2005 03:53 am (UTC)
about 85 i think
(Anonymous)
Jul. 5th, 2005 04:41 am (UTC)
85 people?
shakewell
Jul. 5th, 2005 05:00 am (UTC)
no
uses of "fuck" "fucking" etc.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 5th, 2005 03:09 pm (UTC)
Re: no
ohh haha i was about ready to say !

spk1121
Jul. 5th, 2005 02:52 pm (UTC)
Wise move
Can I "sorta be your boy" this week? Baby like, baby please?
stewbot
Jul. 5th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Wise move
if you've fucking got something to say then come say it to my face. say anymore shit and i'll come find you
spk1121
Jul. 5th, 2005 10:09 pm (UTC)
Say
Easy, big fella. Truth be told, I also thought this entry was unduly harsh and humiliating when I first read it. But, I started to think about it a little more, and was espcially interested in shakewell's comment about this being something to "look back on and learn from." What would need to be learned? So, I decided to try something.

If you had reacted to the comment above...

1.) with genuine maturity, such as feelings of hurt
OR
2.) with humor, and a willingness to laugh at yourself

... I would have been more than willing to beg your pardon and say shakewell made a big mistake. It would have been obvious to me that you made a few errors while drunk, and it shouldn't be held against you. However, it seems that you lash out at people when things aren't going your way (even when sober). You reacted only with threats and curses, which does not endear people to your viewpoint.

Threatening to "come find" me does not demonstrate emotional maturity or a willingness to grow as a person. You said yourself that those calls were "inappropriate" and "outta control." You're 21 years old now, man. Part of growing up is learning that you have to roll with the punches, and that trying to be a bully doesn't work.
badrew
Jul. 5th, 2005 11:56 pm (UTC)
Re: Say
you're my least favorite kind of guy spk...the kind that hasn't realized the world of star trek hasn't come about yet and most humans still hate each other and settle it with violence

you don't have anything better to do than make up bullshit reactionary experiements on someone who already got owned today, like he needs any more shit from you

THEN in the face of violence you talk about emotional maturity and growing up...which I more than expected you to back down and throw out some intellectual bs

the point here is: when you start shit with someone, you should make sure that person is as equally beyond violence as you are
beatfreak
Jul. 6th, 2005 09:50 pm (UTC)
Damn!
/Now/ who's been owned?!
spk1121
Jul. 7th, 2005 06:23 am (UTC)
intellectual bs
I really have no particular desire to get into a war of words here, but I am going to say one more thing for stewbot's sake. It's obvious that he desires respect -- he perceived he wasn't getting any from Amanda on his birthday, or from me in the comment above. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Lord knows I've struggled with that particular issue myself. But he's going about it the wrong way. "Respectable people" don't curse and threaten bodily harm, or get drunk and blame all their problems on someone else. It's simply a fact of life. My hope is that he will learn from this experience and grow from it. Sometimes painful episodes are the best method of becoming a better person.

Folks who encourage mediocrity at best, downright stupidity at worst, are some of my least favorite kind of people. In the end, I think I actually have more respect for stewbot than you do because I think he has potential. He just needed to be made aware of the problem. You would have him believe that we are all monkeys throwing feces at each other, and that it's perfectly alright. You'll forgive me if I'm not quite ready to abandon the trappings of civilization just yet.

Real friends encourage the best in those around them, and push each other to excel. I now feel more sympathietic to stewbot because I'm not sure if he has many people in his life who think he can be a better man. My hope is that he will be, and that he will earn respect and real regard from everyone he meets now and in the future.
chuwie
Jul. 7th, 2005 11:49 pm (UTC)
Re: intellectual bs
I think Stew has quite a few people around him who want him to be a better person. Whether or not we've found a way to make each other better ia a different story, but we're getting there. Aside from that though, you can fuck off. I don't think that he asked for a fucking psychiatric evaluation, so you can take your last two comments and stick them in your ass. /me throws feces.
spk1121
Jul. 8th, 2005 01:07 am (UTC)
psych eval
Well, at least you sound like you actually give a damn about the guy rather than like you're writing a defense of violent behavior. I can respect that.

I am actually amazed that no one else had a problem with the statement: "when you start shit with someone, you should make sure that person is as equally beyond violence as you are." This is the kind of thinking used by guys who beat women (NOT saying he does, but it is the kind of justification). A gal might be getting "uppity" so an emotionally crippled guy deals with her the only way he knows how -- smacking her around. That ain't right, and violence in general isn't "cool." Sometimes you have to fight for what's right, but beating someone up for a perceived slight is both wrong and stupid.

Look, shakewell can always feel free to delete my comments or simply unfriend me. She hasn't done that, and she hasn't even chimed in to say I'm way off base. If I am, I will be a big enough man to admit it and apologize all around. However, I suspect that I am on the right track (at least on some points). So, you might want to ask her what she is thinking and if I am merely giving voice to some of her own impressions. I'm just observing some behaviors and noting reactions here; she's the one who started the process by posting the transcriptions in the first place.
badrew
Jul. 9th, 2005 09:29 am (UTC)
Re: psych eval
how exactly do you know how guys who beat women think anyway? emotionally crippled?...in a journal full of emotionally whacked people I'm the most stable person you're ever going to meet, stud...and not only that, but I'd be willing to venture that I'm probably smarter than you too, so don't write me off as some violent cro-magnon

now let me explain this whole violence thing to you...you seem like you try to act like a smart guy, so try and keep up here...you like to settle confrontations with words...some people like to settle things with violence...the beauty of life is everyone gets to choose how they prefer to deal with situations...unfortunately we have people with the inability to respect other peoples opinions

now lets just pretend the two are equivalent...lets say that some douche bag...namely YOU...decided to make a written crack at someone, who was already down and out...now if we were to convert this action into violence, it would prob be something like stew is laying on the ground and you come up and kick him...thats prob how its viewed by him

but you know what? thats still ok...you can start shit with people all day long, thats your right, and thats between you and stew...what really gets me is when a "words" person starts shit with a "violence" person then climbs up on his horse and is suddenly above violence...it was ok for you to get down with this guy on your terms, but now you're better than him...and you can throw out some bullshit like you're trying to help him grow up and try to make people hate you less, but its still painfully obvious

the irony here is to those of us that have known these two dramatic people for years, if I had said the same comment you did, it prob would have been funny...unfortunately you get the "who the fuck is this guy?" factor

and I wouldn't take the fact that "shakewell" hasn't told you to shut up as her blessing...I would guess shes tactfully staying out of this one...I think she generally tries to keep her drama between other girls

anyway...uhhh...jeez that got long fast...I'm done
spk1121
Jul. 9th, 2005 03:56 pm (UTC)
Re: psych eval
anyway...uhhh...jeez that got long fast...I'm done
Well, at least someone took the time to write and explain some of this to me. I appreciate it, for whatever it's worth. Honestly, I don't know anybody who talks or thinks this way. This is totally outside my realm of experience, and that's why I am trying to understand why people on here think the way they do. And why I (apparently) keep making gaffes.

if I had said the same comment you did, it prob would have been funny...unfortunately you get the "who the fuck is this guy?" factor
Truth be told, it did start as a joke. But he had such an unanticipated reaction to it that I decided to probe further. Believe it or not, I am not on LJ to make enemies! I thought that maybe I could figure out where the both of them were coming from if I dug a little deeper. I am open to self-analysis and constructive criticism; I sometimes forget that others are not. Though your comment here had a few digs at me in it, I am genuinely interested in what you had to say. I daresay the "we have people with the inability to respect other peoples opinions" phrase was directed at me, but that's not actually the case. I simply didn't understand what was going on at all! Though I certainly don't agree with you, I can now respect what you're saying and can kind of see how certain people react. But I can't understand what's happening if people just have kneejerk reactions that I don't fathom.

Anyway... thanks again for taking the time to write. As I said to stewbot, I don't know if it's worth anything to you guys, but I am genuinely sorry for any hurt feelings. It started as a joke, then the "who the fuck is this guy? factor" kicked in and I got defensive because of his initial reaction. I didn't understand it and probed further, and it escalated from there, unfortunately. Just thought I would respond to this since you took the time to write, but I have decided that this "journal full of emotionally whacked people" is not someplace where I fit in, and don't plan to comment further. Hopefully, that will make everyone a little happier!
(Anonymous)
Jul. 8th, 2005 08:01 am (UTC)
Re: Say
I apoligized my ass off to this girl. I asked her nicely to take this off here.. she wouldn't. she doesn't care.. you had no right to comment on this shit and try to make me look stupid.. there was no need to, anyone could see how stupid this all makes me look.. yet everone can see what a bitch she is for putting this up. she's lost a handful of friends over this already if she knows it or not. this is something personal betweem me and her and it should have never been on here, even her brother said that shit. I'm not mad at her anymore about this though. hell i even agree with her when she says she's better off dead. you should just tell me your name and address. If I have to go through all the work to find you, I'll be that much more angry when I find you.. You've now pissed off me, and two other people that are way bigger then i am.. i'd be more worried about me though.. there is something wrong in my head. if you think I'm just mouthing off, then tell me your name and such things.. we can talk intellectual when your face is broken.
spk1121
Jul. 8th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC)
Re: Say
i'd be more worried about me though.. there is something wrong in my head.
I am sincerely sorry for any hurt feelings. But you just said yourself that there is something wrong in your head. Umm, doesn't this bother you? If it's wrong, don't you want to do something to right it? That's why I said your friends should be encouraging you to do the things that will make you a better man.

Anyway, I am obviously not pleased that you would like to break my face. The feeling is not mutual, I assure you. That being said, perhaps neither of us needs this kind of thing right now. So, I am removing myself from the situation. Best of luck, man.
stewbot
Jul. 9th, 2005 11:02 am (UTC)
Re: Say
your fucked
( 25 comments — Say Something )

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