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i had this really weird dream that there was a funeral at the clinic i work at. for some reason i was there in my pajamas. jo3 was there in a suit. steve (of tearoom infamy) was there smoking virginia slims. after all the mourners left, i had to scrub a lot of blood off the walls. mitch (another tech) just sat there, watching, and spraying blood out of his machines and telling me i missed a spot.

jo3 tried to hook up with this machine tech that i think is cute but ended up with his friend who was staying at a drug rehab center. he called him using some bizarre cell phone contraption and left a message. then he said, "i don't think he got the message. i don't think he could hear." i yelled across the room, "i heard you from here." but no one even looks my way. "i heard!" i say. but still nothing.

in some round about way i ended up kissing the machine tech from across this big table. it was really cute. "lady and the tramp" style, without the spaghetti.


***

next week, i'm on my own at work. i'm a little bit nervous and a little bit excited too. i just really hope i don't do anything stupid. and i REALLY hope the nurses and other techs will get off their fat, lazy asses when i tell them i need help.

talk about poor customer service, try sitting hooked up to a machine while your tech says "i don't know what to do. help!" and the people that should help don't even turn around! i'd be terrified if i had to sit there three times a week. poor bastards.

***

so, yesterday, i sort of got dumped by a boy i'm not even dating for not saying that things that didn't happen did.

unfuckingbelievable.

i honestly don't know how to win with other people. hell, or even to break even. to be honest, i'm pretty over it. i guess my two years of baby- and husband-fever were nice while they lasted, but they're gone now. and i'm not holding my breath.

goodbye, pipe dream.

***

i know i said i'd never take both summer sessions again, but i am doing it again this year. why not? what the hell else am i going to do? the busier i am, the less i have to deal with people on a personal level. score.

***

it's weird (and depressing) how i used to want to bear my soul to people here (and there and everywhere), but now i don't want to bother. i know it's not worth it. i'm sure it's all my fault. for being boring, for being to high-minded, for choosing worthless asshole friends.

it's all the same.

Comments

spk1121
Apr. 18th, 2005 11:18 am (UTC)
Bizarre contraption
i honestly don't know how to win with other people. hell, or even to break even.
Heh. I feel that way a lot. I don't know if I'm just such an oddball, or if people in general are just insane. Maybe a little of both!

why not? what the hell else am i going to do? the busier i am, the less i have to deal with people on a personal level. score.
Hmm. Well, in this case, I would say it's a matter of health. You might want to consider taking on less stress, and being able to relax a little more. Might help the heart situation. *shrugs* I daresay you know what you can handle, though.

it's weird (and depressing) how i used to want to bear my soul to people here (and there and everywhere), but now i don't want to bother. i know it's not worth it. i'm sure it's all my fault. for being boring, for being to high-minded, for choosing worthless asshole friends.
Nothing wrong with high standards, and "boring" is OK. I kind of felt similar earlier in the year, that's why I was posting to a bunch of random journals and we ended up adding each other to our flists. Sometimes, it's nice to break out of "the same old thing" and do something new or unusual. Hope you feel more upbeat soon!

(Sorry it took me so long to comment, I've been reading but haven't made the time to write to you or several others. My bad. Comment on mine sometime! :)

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