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i had this really weird dream that there was a funeral at the clinic i work at. for some reason i was there in my pajamas. jo3 was there in a suit. steve (of tearoom infamy) was there smoking virginia slims. after all the mourners left, i had to scrub a lot of blood off the walls. mitch (another tech) just sat there, watching, and spraying blood out of his machines and telling me i missed a spot.

jo3 tried to hook up with this machine tech that i think is cute but ended up with his friend who was staying at a drug rehab center. he called him using some bizarre cell phone contraption and left a message. then he said, "i don't think he got the message. i don't think he could hear." i yelled across the room, "i heard you from here." but no one even looks my way. "i heard!" i say. but still nothing.

in some round about way i ended up kissing the machine tech from across this big table. it was really cute. "lady and the tramp" style, without the spaghetti.


***

next week, i'm on my own at work. i'm a little bit nervous and a little bit excited too. i just really hope i don't do anything stupid. and i REALLY hope the nurses and other techs will get off their fat, lazy asses when i tell them i need help.

talk about poor customer service, try sitting hooked up to a machine while your tech says "i don't know what to do. help!" and the people that should help don't even turn around! i'd be terrified if i had to sit there three times a week. poor bastards.

***

so, yesterday, i sort of got dumped by a boy i'm not even dating for not saying that things that didn't happen did.

unfuckingbelievable.

i honestly don't know how to win with other people. hell, or even to break even. to be honest, i'm pretty over it. i guess my two years of baby- and husband-fever were nice while they lasted, but they're gone now. and i'm not holding my breath.

goodbye, pipe dream.

***

i know i said i'd never take both summer sessions again, but i am doing it again this year. why not? what the hell else am i going to do? the busier i am, the less i have to deal with people on a personal level. score.

***

it's weird (and depressing) how i used to want to bear my soul to people here (and there and everywhere), but now i don't want to bother. i know it's not worth it. i'm sure it's all my fault. for being boring, for being to high-minded, for choosing worthless asshole friends.

it's all the same.

Comments

beejay_core
Apr. 16th, 2005 02:44 pm (UTC)
your dreams are awsome amanda!
shakewell
Apr. 16th, 2005 04:17 pm (UTC)
i know i can always count on you to appreciate them, so that's why i keep posting them!

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