sWell (shakewell) wrote,

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it can't rain all the time

so saturday was so much damn fun
99% drama-free
i wish everyday could be like that
that will never be
my brother is really pissing me off
and everyone else as well for that matter
i don't think he even knows how mean he is
he pushed me on saturday - hard
and today he made me cry
that sucks
you know what's worse, though?
he makes me feel like it's my fault
and the rest of the group is pretty moody too
so tension is running high
and i fucking hate it
i wanna just sit in my room and sleep
or cry
so i don't have to deal with all this bullshit anymore
wesley came over today
before all the drama with my brother
and stuck around to give me hugs
and cheer me up
i'm glad for that
i needed it
i think if he hadn't been around
i might have done something stupid
i've got enough scars for one lifetime
yeah so joe won't talk to me anymore
i guess he's mad
because i can't send him heartfelt emails anymore
understandable i suppose
not like i didn't warn him though
ahhh fuck it
i sent him an email and told him to forget me
i'm pretty sure he already has, though
and that's for the best i'm sure
amanda = no good
i'll be so glad to get away from this place
all i seem to do is hurt people
and be hurt by them
so a new place
with new people
sounds like just what i need
previously, i'd planned on coming back to indiana
but, anymore, i don't think i want to
i guess i'll just wait and see after a year in kansas

jesus christ
i hate being depressed
i'm on some meds that make it worse
as if i'm not bad enough on my own

thanks for all you kids who don't comment anymore
because i never update
or send me emails or letters
because i don't have time to write back
or call
because long distance is expensive
i really appreciate it

once again
i apologize that there's only so much i can give you all
that for once in my life i'm putting me first
that i can't be what you want or need

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