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it can't rain all the time

so saturday was so much damn fun
99% drama-free
i wish everyday could be like that
alas
that will never be
my brother is really pissing me off
and everyone else as well for that matter
i don't think he even knows how mean he is
he pushed me on saturday - hard
and today he made me cry
that sucks
you know what's worse, though?
he makes me feel like it's my fault
*sigh*
and the rest of the group is pretty moody too
so tension is running high
and i fucking hate it
i wanna just sit in my room and sleep
or cry
so i don't have to deal with all this bullshit anymore
wesley came over today
before all the drama with my brother
and stuck around to give me hugs
and cheer me up
i'm glad for that
i needed it
i think if he hadn't been around
i might have done something stupid
god...
i've got enough scars for one lifetime
yeah so joe won't talk to me anymore
i guess he's mad
because i can't send him heartfelt emails anymore
understandable i suppose
not like i didn't warn him though
ahhh fuck it
i sent him an email and told him to forget me
i'm pretty sure he already has, though
and that's for the best i'm sure
amanda = no good
i'll be so glad to get away from this place
all i seem to do is hurt people
and be hurt by them
so a new place
with new people
sounds like just what i need
previously, i'd planned on coming back to indiana
but, anymore, i don't think i want to
i guess i'll just wait and see after a year in kansas

jesus christ
i hate being depressed
i'm on some meds that make it worse
as if i'm not bad enough on my own

grrr...
well
thanks for all you kids who don't comment anymore
because i never update
or send me emails or letters
because i don't have time to write back
or call
because long distance is expensive
i really appreciate it

once again
i apologize that there's only so much i can give you all
that for once in my life i'm putting me first
that i can't be what you want or need

Comments

( 6 comments — Say Something )
xheartfallx
Mar. 5th, 2002 09:34 pm (UTC)
hey you. i love not getting comments.
cheer up.
i know its easier said than done.
xxxoxxx
terrah
shakewell
Mar. 6th, 2002 10:05 pm (UTC)
yeah thanks...
i'm trying.

nice to hear from you again, though. it's been a while.
me0wkp
Mar. 6th, 2002 01:22 pm (UTC)
smiles all around.
hey babe.
you know you're awesome, i mean honestly..who would drive all over creation just so someone wouldnt get in trouble..not many people, but you! you are amazing and you saved my life, all the while making my day much better cause i got to see you!
soooo i say you better smile!
love ya,
kat.
shakewell
Mar. 6th, 2002 10:16 pm (UTC)
awww girl....
you are awesome! and you know i'd do anything for you - all you have to do is ask. i sure am going to miss you next year.

ps - thanks for the pizza! pizza!
me0wkp
Mar. 7th, 2002 12:46 pm (UTC)
=(
wellll maybe i'll just have to come and visit you sometime, and take you out for some more pizza!
hehe.
ah ha.
sooo i ask that you promise to stay in touch.
deal?
love ya.
shakewell
Mar. 7th, 2002 08:29 pm (UTC)
turn that frown upside down!
anytime you want to come visit, you are always welcome. espcially if you want to buy me pizza! i will do my very best to stay in touch, but i'll admit i don't exactly have an excellent track record in that department.

hey. remind me when winterguard state prelims are. i'm so there.
( 6 comments — Say Something )

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