sWell (shakewell) wrote,
sWell
shakewell

dialysis dreams, pain management, nihongono kulasu & the catholic tradition

last night i dreamed that i was at work and i had to be dialized between my patients. since i've never been dialized, it just felt like when i donated plasma. at the end, i got the cold, tingling sensation when they pump in the saline. (they actually don't do that for dialysis patients.)

anyway, in the midst of that tingling, i woke up a little. i was just conscious enough to realize i was still in that paralized state of dream sleep. and then i got caught up in that low blood pressure feeling (nearly passing out). it was a very weird thing to experience while sleeping.

xxx

i started my hepatitis b vaccination today. even with all the techs and nurses telling me how bad it would hurt, the shot didn't bother me in the least. i even watched the whole time.

i find it odd that i have such control over physical pain, and so little control over the emotional.

i feel i'm so abnormal in that respect.

xxx

my japanese teacher called me out several times in class today. i wish i had more time to devote to my sutdies. at this point, i'm lucky to get my homework. anyway, he made a fool of me and it sucked. he also discussed the mistakes i made on my test in front of the whole class. i can't begin to describe how uncomfortable that made me.

also, someone helped me cheat on my quiz and i didn't even ask them too. i'm declaring this boy my valentine this year (since i forgot to get a boyfriend again). i will shower him with gifts and affection!

i want to make cupcakes this weekend. anyone want to help?

xxx

lent begins tomorrow and, although i'm not catholic, i'm going to participate this year. lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance. it is a season for reflection and taking stock.

i have a greater purpose in mind for all this, but i'll leave it unsaid.

and to keep it always on my mind, i'll be 'fasting.' it's not really a christian fast. i'm giving up meat (not fish) and all beverages except water (a devious trick to lick my caffienne habit). so, everyday, when i want something i can't have, i'll have to think about why. it's going to be 40 days with 3 meals a day forcing me to remember my motivation.

though, i sure am going to eat a lot of crab rangoon and popcorn shrimp!

i guess they don't count sundays into lent (when it starts on ash wednesday), but i'm just going to go straight through to march 25.
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