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forgive and forget

seeking your honest opinions:

can you ever really forgive if you haven't forgotten?

and can you forgive someone if they aren't sorry?

Comments

( 7 comments — Say Something )
stewbot
Feb. 9th, 2005 04:09 am (UTC)
i'd say it would depend on the person. some people can forgive just about anything and even if the other party is not sorry. some can not.

I myself can forgive a whole lot because I know everybody does dumb shit. (I mess up all the time) Some dumb shit though is too much and I can't forgive or forget. I guess it just depends on the type of person you are and the given situation. rock
bettoney
Feb. 9th, 2005 04:53 am (UTC)
hmmmmm.......I can forgive without forgetting if I reassess the situation, usually way after the fact, but forgetting makes it much much easier

It's really hard for me to forgive someone who isn't sorry, unless I stop caring completely and then it's more of a general disintrest than forgiveness....
quarantine
Feb. 9th, 2005 05:02 am (UTC)
I'm not big on forgiving or forgetting, but you probably knew that already.
surjay
Feb. 9th, 2005 05:58 am (UTC)
!
Yet, the almighty HENRY has forgiven you for dating all those tanned beasts!
elizabethford
Feb. 9th, 2005 05:06 am (UTC)
I have a (positive) selective memory, so I actually have a pretty hard time remembering when people have done stuff to me. I do think that "forgetting" is meant more in the sense that it's not an issue at the forefront in the friendship/relationship/whatever. You know, when you're in an argument and the first thing you go for is, "Well, you did (whatever)". I don't think it's actually meant to be erased from your memory, because there are some things you just CAN'T forget, even if you have forgiven.

If someone isn't sorry, I'd say forgive them only if it will make YOU feel better. Otherwise, it's not worth it... if they're not sorry, they're a lot more likely to do it again. And that just results in biterness/disillusionment, so again, not worth it.
surjay
Feb. 9th, 2005 06:11 am (UTC)
Personally, if I forgive somebody, then I'm not going to forget. If I am being sincere, then whatever happened(or was done), is something that I certainly will remember but is something I have come to terms with or is something that no longer bothers me as severely.

As for forgiving somebody who isn't really sorry, that probably depends on the situation. Sometimes, being forgiven is more important to some people than being able to forgive others....and vice versa. If it is something that you have moved on from and something you feel you can offer forgiveness for, then I don't see why you cannot....regardless of the recipients attitude. Forgiving, and laying down for such a person and allowing similar things to happen again in the future are two different things. I can forgive somebody who I know doesn't deserve it as long as it's no longer an issue and as long as I won't put myself in a position for it to happen again. I'd rather be the compassionate one they can no longer touch as opposed to the compassionate one they are using or the bitter one that can never let go.

beatfreak
Feb. 9th, 2005 06:30 pm (UTC)
No, and no
For me, I don't think I ever truely forgive someone for something done to me if I'm still able to look back and re-live the feelings I experienced as a result of what they did (a.k.a. unable to forget). I can honestly say that in that regard, I've never truely forgiven anyone that did me wrong.
However, there are plenty of people in my life that have done me wrong and I've forgiven them in the sense that they've made it clear that they were sorry, tried to make things right again, and as a result, I no longer harbored bitter feelings toward that /person/-- rather just what they did at that time.
If someone isn't sorry for what they did, I don't see how it's possible to forgive them. You can get to a point where you no longer give a shit, but that's hardly forgiveness. If someone isn't sorry for doing you wrong, they either a. don't give a shit about you, or b. don't see that what they did was wrong in the first place. Either way, they won't be sorry, won't try to make things right again, and they'll probably end up doing you wrong again. I say "fuck that." You'll always have to be "en pointe" with that person, trying to be prepared just in case they decide to do something else shitty that they won't be sorry for.
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