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prima facie

i used to write like no one was reading (because no one was). then i wrote like i didn't care what people thought (because i didn't). i miss the things i used to write then and the way the words poured out. i had so much to say and it meant so much to me. it's so helpful to have an accurate journal of the true and honest thoughts of your past. my memory fails me with out some gentle prodding, but there's no denying the ink and pixels.

i still don't care what people think of what i say. i will always be more aware of my faults than they could ever hope to be. but i find myself holding back here now. i can see the misinterpretations arise before i can even finish the sentences. and i'm not interested ir running the same circles. so, in apology for their weaknesses i shroud myself in ambiguity and omit vital information.

i don't want to look back and wonder what i meant.

so all the deep stuff is migrating to a new journal. if you find it then it proves that you care enough to want to know (and possibly that you also care to make me suffer all over again). if it finds you, then you'll know i care to let you in.

i think it's important to share these things with the people in my life. and i want to do so in a completely free and uninhibited forum. this is obviously no longer the place for that.

however, you can still catch my day-to-day rambling here on swellivisiontm.

don't think i'm running off to talk shit about people behind their backs. i think we all know i don't hold back in that department. i just want to expound upon the events in my life and the thoughts in my head. (stay out of my life and you'll never find your name on these pages or those again.)

you could say i'm hiding. maybe i am. i just think i'm starting fresh. it's no secret. if you want to know, all you have to do is ask. my life is an open book, but library cards are issued through me and me alone.

it's a new beginning in a new place for a life headed in a new direction.

happy new year.

Comments

( 4 comments — Say Something )
menlie
Jan. 2nd, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)
i really want a library card!
although, should you choose to deny my request, i certainly won't be offended.
thanks again for the awesome shirt!
shakewell
Jan. 2nd, 2005 05:23 am (UTC)
you had one (for a minute)
i added you as a friend, but then decided not to add friends five minutes later. i may change my mind on that sometime, but for now that journal remains unfettered.

anyway... hit me up on AIM / telemaphone / real life sometime and i'll let you in. or, you can ask kreetch (sp?) cuz his nose knows, ya know?

word.
(Anonymous)
Jan. 2nd, 2005 12:57 pm (UTC)
do you really think it's smart to play games like that? if you want people to know about your secret journal, then let them know. don't tease them with the prospect of your trust, only to take it personally if they do or don't try to attain it. if someone disregards this new journal, will you be offended? all signs point to yes, especially if you plan on taking it personally when people ask to be added to your friends list or if you want it to be some big deal that you've invited someone. try paper.
shakewell
Jan. 2nd, 2005 02:36 pm (UTC)
all signs point to yes, omniscient stranger
oh, yes, anonymous commenter, i am devastated that you did not ask to know the location of my new journal! i think i will go write about this terrible personal offense there and then cry my little blue eyes out because you do not care to know about it.

woe is me, you cantankerous traitor you. woe is me.
( 4 comments — Say Something )

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