June 29th, 2008

sqeez

right now, it's blogging time

i have been getting complaints about my lack of content lately. twitter just doesn't cut it for some. so, i have set aside this time today for blogging. it comes just after paying bills and lamenting my insurmountable debt, but before cleaning my room.

enjoy.

i haven't been sleeping well for weeks, so i haven't been dreaming much. but, when i do dream, i dream a lot about the future. it's weird, though, because, in these dreams, i'm always late.

i've been trying to figure out the significance of this or even just come up with a word that will make this blog seem a) more interesting or 2) more intelligent.

well, surprise, i've got nothing.

actually, i think i fear my life is passing me by (which it is) and i've missed my great opportunities (which i have).

i do not care to live in the now. when i'm down, i live in the past. when i'm hopeful, i look to the future. but to live in the moment is to just be. not to think. not to analyze. not to plan. just be. just enjoy. just smile and laugh.

i can't even imagine how one does such things.

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so, in other news, i guess i have a boyfriend. i'm not really sure how that happened. god knows that's not what i'm looking for.

still, it's pretty nice to have someone offering to do nice things for me.

of course, that only makes me look like an even bigger jerk. but i never agreed to be anybody's anything. so, what can you expect?

seriously, though, he's a good guy. and fun. and thoughtful. and there are uhh... benefits to having a steady boyfriend. but... i dunno... he was all (but the last of) those things before we hooked up.

why fix it if it ain't broke?

it's not that i have a problem with monogamy. or even commitment in general.

actually... now that i think about it, i guess i do have a problem with commitment. i don't think i'm afraid of it. it just doesn't interest me. i am fickle and uncommitted in my own personal interests; how can i be expected maintain investment in someone else's?

ugh. where am i going with this?