June 5th, 2008

sqeez

twitterers or twits?

two new random twitter followers, artsyave and TheNewMediaExpo. in addition to the first random followers, jonathanmead and ClayCollins, i've now been found and followed by four people (or three people and one organization) whom i don't know and i can't fathom why they would be interested in my random tweets. maybe they're just friend-whoring. i don't know.

mojo has been down for 6+ hours. what the fuck am i supposed to do with myself all day at work? ugh.

maybe i should concentrate on actually doing my job. i just came across a timesheet for last friday. oh boy do people love to hear they're not getting paid!

that's numberwang!
sqeez

how i learned to stop worrying and love life

two summers ago, while i was wwoofing in hawaii, i can pretty close to dying. the first time was when i attempted to hike this horrendously inclined trail and nearly blacked out while walking the precariously thin trail. the second time was when i swam out to the end of a bay alone while the tide was going out.

maybe i didn't really almost die, but it was the closest i'd ever consciously come to death and it was much, much closer than i'd ever come before.

i really don't know why i didn't panic in those situations. i mean, i'm an avid worrier and dedicated pessimist (so they say). and i really was calculating my chances of survival. now, i can't say i made the best decisions (for instance, i didn't wave or call for help in the ocean), but i don't think i made either situation worse.

anyway, that's not what i wanted to write about. (jesus christ! whatever skill i once had for writing, i've lost it.)

as i was fighting my way back to shore and while i should have been calling for help, i found myself thinking "yeah, i might die today, but--if i don't--i'm going to have a great story to tell." and as i struggled to finish that terrible hike, i thought "well, if i die, tell my parents i was having a time!" (who says that shit, by the way?)

something changed in me that summer. maybe it's because it's the first time i ever really did anything in my life. maybe it's because i could have died. maybe it's because i realized i nearly died without doing anything worthwhile at all. i don't know.

but i find myself, now, looking at things in entirely different ways. like all this mojo stuff. that's so completely not who i was. but they were doing these outrageously fun things and i thought, "how can i not participate in that?" now i've put together a roller jam, fielded a kickball team, jumped in a frozen lake and even put myself up for auction.

i'm living life again. for the first time?

by the way, this entry really went to shit somewhere.