August 17th, 2006

crayons

i want my baby back baby back baby back

well i finally watched the season two finale of grey's anatomy. i'm not going to lie; i've been sobbing like a little bitch all night. it's ridiculous. i know. but i like shows that force me to emote. i mean, even though i generally hate the emoting.

i'm probably not making much sense. i'm tired.

life is so much different, now that i've left hawaii. i don't do anything. ever. i waste so much time. and, although i don't know what i'm stressed about, i can tell that i am indeed stressed. i can't sleep. i'm tired all day. i'm getting horrific headaches and my neck is seriously kinked.

i miss having fun. life here is like this huge chore. a balancing act. so many people making demands of me. being disappointed in my lack of time or energy for them. it's like how i stopped answering my phone a while back because people were leaving such shitty messages for legitimately missed calls. now, i just don't want to deal with having to see people.

life here has become a burden. a hassle. it's sad.

so i look to brighter times in the future. the very near future. it's definitely time for me to move on. this place, these people are holding me back. (truly, it is my attatchment to them that is holding me back and only i am to blame.)

xxx

i started at chili's this week. it's fun. the people are great, as is the environment. i'm really looking forward to it, even though i know i'm going to suck at it for quite a while.

memorizing the menu sucks nuts, though. seriously. but i'll do it. because i like the challenge. because what the hell else am i going to do with my time?

xxx

i should either sleep or study now. hrmph.
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