i think i slept for like 12 hours last night. nearly impossible if you're at all familiar with my schedule.
i wish i hadn't woken up.
it's not that i'm jealous exactly. i don't wish it were me now. i don't want him back. i know i'm better off without him.
it's just that i would have been better off with out him sooner or at all.
i think of all the things he couldn't do for me and i know he just wouldn't.
i think of how he said he still loved me. but it all ended after that one sentence.
i'm mostly just boggled about people in general. i don't know how to differentiate until after the fact. maybe there's no way to tell. maybe we're all the same, it just takes time for it to manifest.
a plane. missed classes (of his senior year).
my first instinct is to say "i wish i'd been good enough for him," but i know that's not really what i mean. in all other things, i discredit his ability to discern greatness. why should my own personal worth be any different, especially when i scorn his determining sense of good character?
that's the trouble of second-hand living.
what i really wish is that i was good enough for me. then i never would have needed him and he never could have hurt me.
or only to a certain point at least.