February 22nd, 2005


a parisian engagement

my first great love wrote to tell me he was engaged yesterday. and it's really weird because i'm honestly nothing but happy for him. i have seen how happy she makes him and there is nothing i want more for him than to see him truly happy and at peace.

it's weird that of all my previous wedding experience has left me more off balance than this the news of this engagement. i still love him very much but i know we were not meant to be. in typical hollywood dramas, i'd be sad or scheming sabotage, but there's no reason. he is happy. that's all i ever wanted for him. i'm so glad that she could give him what i could not.

for all the pain our breakup caused him, i know now that i did the right thing for him. i thought i knew it then, but now i'm sure.

anyway, it's really awesome that he could tell me this. "i hope youre happy for me. im sure you are, since you are a great friend, but still, you know." in most other cases, i have a really hard time dealing with exes' new lovers. i guess i just hate seeing them get hurt. but not this time. not when it seems right.

and i thought it was really awesome that he was genuinely concerned about what i thought of his news. that shows me that he really does consider me a good friend to him. that my opnion, my approval, is important to him.

i wonder if they'll get married in paris...
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words of the day

douche kazoo n. pl. douche kazoos. 1. a derogatory term popularized be swell. usually denotes a failure to perform on par with normal satifaction standards or a tendancy to to fail when success is most imperative. ("livejournal is such a fucking douche kazoo, i can't even post a comment in my own damn journal.")

robbored p.t. v. tr. alt. form roboxored. 1. to be both robbed and fuxored at the same time. ("when i saw my keys, wallet and cell phone were missing, i knew i was robbored.")

dear livejournal,

i understand you are temporarily in read-only mode, but i think your use of the word temprary is insulting. sure, every few minutes i can sneak a little something onto your finicky database and, for that, i do thank you. but it has been nearly a week now of this silly game. are you ever going to get your act together or are you really the little cock tease that everyone warned me about?

and, honestly now, is it really necessary for you to deny my access AND change my radio button selections when i attempt to post comments. i'll bet i've missed ten of your tiny windows of opportunity because you thought i wanted to post as some other user when i was obviously still logged in.

will you suck this entry too up into you void of entries that never were where it can drift in oblivion alongside it's bretheren of things better said the first time? or will you coax me in with one successful attempt before you dash my hopes again with you impenetrable walls?

sometimes i want to hate you, dear livejournal, but i cannot bring myself to do it. you were my first and you will always hold a special place in my browser history.

i hope we can make this work again. we've been through too much to let it end like this.

much love always,

tussin 'n' freaks

got tickets for me and my posse (killbot, stewbot and spooge) to go see mcchris clixnwhistles just now. i guess that was the motivation i needed to get out of the damn apartment. huzzahs are in order.

(all together, now: huzzah.)

i also went grocery shopping and bought so many fishsticks it's stupid.

i'm really surprised i haven't caught this cold/flu thing that's going around. it's right up my alley. it's ok. i'll probably just get hepatitis from work instead. score.

work is going really well, by the way. class starts at the end of this week. in the mean time, i'm just trying to learn as much as possible and stay busy. i like to do all the little things to make time go by faster. i hate standing around with nothing to do. a fellow trainee tried to horn in on my busy work today. ohhhh that made me angry. to top it off, she also tried to have a conversation with me while she did it.

earlier in the day one of the techs and i had a conversation about how it sucks when people talk to you when you're trying to nap and they never get the hint that you don't want to hear them at all. it really isn't fair that you can't just tell people you're not interested in speaking with or listening to them. that's not rude; that's honest. (if i wanted to know about your day/children/love life/etc. i would ask about them. i don't talk to you about that crap. why do you continue to talk to me about it? we are co-workers, not friends.)

i've gotten into the habit of just walking away from people who insist on talking to me. they follow me now, but i think they'll get tired of it eventually.

here's hoping.

well... i guess i should put those fishticks away.