February 16th, 2005


da dun dun

watching 7th heaven's musical valentine's day episode was quite possibly the most painful thing i've ever experienced.

i dreamed i was held at knife point at the dialysis clinic by an ancient old woman. somehow, i wrested away from her and hid on the roof of the building. i called 911 on wheninhell's phone, but it was all messued up becuase of the change in area code (his phone being 502, the clinic being in 317 and me mistakenly thinking i was in 812). also it was dark and i couldn't see the buttons. eventually, five police officers showed up and chased the villain while wearing furry mascot costumes. she committed suicide in a huge empty mansion, which was apparently possessed. her blood spilled in some special spot and released some demon, which is how she got all screwed up in the first place. she'd come to the clinic to find her friend who'd apparently killed herself in the house the day before.

telephone operator, nin & my lent dilema

i didn't even use one third of my cell phone minutes last month. i didn't even use 5% of my text messages. i'm not sure why i bother with the damn thing anymore. if you're ever bored and you want to text me, please feel free to do so. i never even remember to take my phone of silent anymore so you can send them at all hours of the day and the night. no worries.


i wish i could see nin at coachella. i hope i'll be able to see them somewhere in the midwest. i may even buy the new album. it sill be my first cd purchase since little t and one track mike dropped their bomb in 2001. which was my first since fragile came out in '99. it's completely pathetic that i can remember all (two) of the albums i've purchased in the last six years. i mean, it's good that i can remember them. it's sad there were only two.

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point & click interface

catholicism wow

even god won't forgive your sin unless you ask him to and you promise him you'll at least try not to do it again.

that's the contract christians have with him. they play by his rules and he loves them and lets them be with him.

i wish i had a contract for friends. i'd like to let people know what i expect from them right from the start. well, it's not what i expect from them. i don't expect anything from anyone. it would be then what i expect from a friend. so, in the end, there could be no qualms with what people think they are and what they actually are to me.

if they said, "amanda, i am your friend." then they'd have to be willing to say, "amanda, i'm sorry i didn't live up to what i said i was (or what i promised to be). i'll try harder this time."

i guess maybe i'm too picky.

but i'd rather be alone than with jerks.