December 13th, 2004

point & click interface

don't do this when you're depressed. they're only more depressing

Ten years ago, I:
1. was beginning my journey toward alcoholism
2. shaved my eyebrow off because a boy said it would be cool
3. started feeling proud to be smart

Five years ago, I:
1. let my calc teacher convince me i'd never make it in college
2. threw away all my college apps
3. won several scholarships, but didn't graduate

One year ago, I:
1. dropped out of school, again
2. quit the two best jobs i've ever had
3. discovered the truth about people

So far this year, I:
1. have only quit two jobs
2. have only failed once class (so far...)
3. decided to join the navy

Today, I:
1. am going to take a final i haven't studied for since before thanksgiving
2. have to find a new job
3. am going to hate life and lie in bed all afternoon

Tomorrow, I:
1. will take another final i haven't studied for in weeks
2. really have to find a new job
3. will write checks for bills i can't afford

In one year, I will:
1. be a junior (hopefully)
2. living in this apartment if i can find a way to afford it (stripping, what?)
3. still be all alone

In five years, I will:
1. be an officer in the navy (god, that's hilarious)
2. leave this place and never look back
3. know a lot of fucking japanese
  • Current Mood
    oh boy...
ice princess

cold, depressed ramblings

accuweather tells me it's 27F right now. by god, it's almost twice that here in my apartment. awesome.

took my japanese final this morning. got an A i'm sure, but not an A+. i can't say i really give a shit.

have no idea when my programming final is tomorrow. i've got a lot of catching up to do for that class, but i can't say i care much about that either. it'll be fine.

need to pick up my materials from logic, but i probably won't. whatever.
edit: jo3 picked up my stuff for me, but my prof didn't even give me the papers i requested. sweet.

you know, i had a really awesome weekend, but i plummetted down from that high just from reading one stupid email. apparently, i not only piss people off by doing the things i do, i also piss them off by not doing things too.

you'll notice this is a lose-lose situation for me.

maybe it's not "you can't please all the people all the time." it's really "you can't please anyone ever."

and somehow i thought that the people that have been through this with me and been through it themselves would know better than to do it. but i guess when you're hurting, it feels good to hurt back.

laugh it up, stewbot.

i wish i had the guts to do it. i'd call you first, instead of an ambulance. then amber and jess. phil, ben, keri and joe. i'd let you all know you beat me. and you could rejoice in that forever since you loved doing it so much.

just what you needed from me. funny, i don't remember putting this on my christmas list. but, that's right. what's ok for you, isn't ok for me. how could i forget?

xxx

there are no guarantees in life.
but no one is perfect.

if you want me, i will [probably] reject you.
if you need me, i will [probably] abandon you.
if you love me, i will [probably] break your heart.
if you trust me, i will [probably] betray you.
if you depend on me, i will [probably] disappoint you.

don't ever say i didn't warn you.
  • Current Mood
    motherfuckin' dentyne ice here
point & click interface

posted: notice [a. k. a. cold steel on old scars]

that's it. you're all evicted from my life. every last fucking one of you.

i'm going to the xmas party because it was my idea and it would be rude not to show. then i'm done.

i'm leaving the comments option on until the 18th (deadline for clue) and then i'll turn it off.

it's my journal and i'll continue writing about any aspect of my life that i damn well please for as long as i feel like communicating my thoughts to the world. if you're not interested in hearing what i have to say, i suggest you stop reading this week because you'll no longer be afforded the opportunity to protest directly to me.

i'll cut the cable next month.

in life, you make your own rules. but, somehow, i still can't win.

thank you all so much for this terrible push.
  • Current Mood
    dying for the courage
journal

if you write it, they will find it [miraasan]

i don't want to hide, but they don't respect my right to speak freely. this place is no secret, yet i will tell no one it exists. will they find me here? it's only a matter of time.

i refuse to lock people out of my life just because a few fools can't handle the truth. admittedly, it's my version of the truth and their versions differ greatly. but don't i have a right to my own personal opinion?

i can't stand the double standards. it's worse that i once called these people friends. i guess i never knew them at all. i guess you never really know anyone.

people tell me i'm driving him to suicide. he tells me i'm a source of amusement. i can't say i care either way.