December 5th, 2004



went down to pistol city (bloomington) to get some help from spooge (my brother) on my final c program. exterminated some bugs and made some definite headway. then drank some pink panty pull downs (warm-filtered vodka and pink lemonade) and got my party on with spooge, beatfreak, stewbot, xtylerx, opiate, san_yo, killbot and some dial (america) kids.

i noticed that i can be quite an ass hole when i'm drunk and i see a lot of my brother in me. but i go about things in completely passive aggressive ways. that bothers me a lot.

did something i've been dying to do for a very long time. had a blast. it was everything i expected and more.

ended up hot tubbing for way too fucking long. three hours maybe. i don't know.

put in the fifth element when we got out of the tub, but passed out before leeloo even escaped the regeneration chamber. woke up all alone and with no blankets or pillow. sigh. but i did find a cute little note next to me when i got up. it makes me smile every time i read it, so i'm putting it up on my wall where i will see it everyday.

today, of course, i was housed as shit. spent money i didn't have on food i didn't like. (fuck those white chocolate milkshakes and their glitter!) ended up staying down there longer than i had planned because i just couldn't get motivated to get off the couch again.

tried to call some peeps as i rolled out of town, hoping for some more good times, but no one was home. i opted not to leave messages because the thought of leaving them made me feel like some kind of creep or stalker or something. i definitely had some things to say, though. like: amazing. most definitely.

and now i am here at home again. my dad called to talk to me about his ideas for starting his own school and reforming the education system. i love my dad. i really do.

i guess my grandpa (my dad's dad) had some surgery recently. colon polyps. coincidentally, i was listening to a radio program on the drive home about cancer screenings and the importance of getting your family's medical history together, especially concerning these polyps. anyway, he's fine i guess.


i feel as though i'm regaining my confidence lately. i think it has to do with me becoming more selfish . (not actually selfish, just less selfless. more like normal.) i'm becoming far more aggressive about getting the things i want. i feel powerful. and satisfied too. i love it. plus, it's kind of fun to set the goals and craft plans to bring the to success. hmmm... i guess i am a bit of a creep.


curiosity. tension. desire. anticipation.

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