October 16th, 2004


a life-long learner. literally.

i'm bored out of my fucking mind here in the lab today. so, i've been thinking about my college goals some more. i am definitely going to minor in japanese and i'll probably take all four years of courses even though i only need three. i'm still thinking about some sort of concentration in physics, but i'm not going to think any more about that until i get my introductory classes out of the way this summer.

what the hell am i going to do with a double major in math and physics and a minor in japanese? probably teach algebra in madison. so why waste my time? well, i guess i don't think it is a waste. though it may be hard to convince myself of that when i'm paying back all these student loans.

i suppose i would probably be able to teach japanese or physics if i needed a change of pace. that reminds me, i would also like to get my journalism certificate while i'm at all of this. but that is definitely on hold for now as well.

and all of this is exactly why i hate that my talents are so diverse. i'd bet that if i were super-awesome at math, i wouldn't even think about leaving my options open. i'd be all "hell yeah! math rules #1!" for the rest of my god damned life.

but i'm not super-awesome at math, nor physics. i am actually totally awesome at japanese for the moment, but i doubt that will last. (similar to my experience in german.) wouldn't it be great if i wasted all this time studying math then decided to go with japanese instead while i'm in the JET program. ha! no.

anyway, i'm afraid to make any one decision. none of them feels particularly right.

sometimes, i also wonder if this isn't some sort of defeatist behavior to prevent myself from ever getting involved in a healthy relationship. i work full-time. i take 18-hour semesters and enroll in both summer sessions. i have eliminated the possibility of even thinking about having a life for the next three years.

that is, of course, unless i can find someone who is ok with my idea of quality time--sharing some meals, sleeping over and maybe spending a few wakeful hours together on the weekend.

since, i doubt that will happen, i'm giving up my dream of getting married before i'm 30. *sigh*


i was inspired to make a really neat art project today. i don't have the time or the money to do it right now, though. besides, i'm in the middle of a couple of other projects already. still, it would have been neat!
  • Current Mood

hot, hot heat

you know what's cool about having better things to pay for than heat?

i get to hang out all day in my scarf and mittens.

it's a strange, strange life i lead.
  • Current Music
    dv roxx - hardcore mutha fucka