August 11th, 2004

point & click interface

polyamorous (loving more than one)

my brother and i were discussing the complexities of polyamorous relationships the other night. we both seem to be in these monogamous and though unofficially committed relationships at the moment. he just hates to think of what he's missing out on. i hate to put it that way, but maybe that's how i feel too.

i know that i act differently when i'm in a relationship where we've both implicitly vowed monogamy. i get jealous in an insecure way. i feign happiness for their happiness. in general, i start living my life for the fulfillment of their goals instead of my own.

i don't know why i do it. no one's ever asked me to. (and that's what makes it so deplorable.)

i've watched my brother push girls' buttons just because they've placed restraints on him which he doesn't feel they had any right to. i don't think i do that. but, in reaction to those same types of limitations, i find myself manipulating people emotionally.

there. i said it. i do try to manipulate people.

however! i am rarely successful, as i am far to subtle for the callous jerks of this world.

in retrospect, i should stop saying "anything to make you happy, dear" and start owning up to what i'm really feeling.

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