July 9th, 2004


i love it

monster update. zero comments.

for those who bothered to read it: curtis says he can't be sexist because he's a minority. and he joked that he's going to bring a tape recorder to all our conversations from now on. i told him he'd be better off just not talking to me.


going away party this weekend... hmm... i am torn. i'd like to think i'm a better person than one who'd bail on plans with two different people, but i think we all know i not. it's hard telling how long it will be before i see him again, even if he is just a couple hours away.

that is all.

i enjoy flashing in public

i will have this.

even if it is 10 years from now, when all my student loans are paid off and i'm not worried whether i'll have enough change to put enough gas in my piece of shit car so that i can make it to my disposable job on time.

not that things are that bad right now, but they will be soon i think. a few months if i don't start getting more hours at the x and the testing lab. god, then i'll be where he is--only i won't be digging through the trash or begging for handouts.

even if i'm near-starvation, i'd rather be self-sufficient than be a leech.

i think i would starve to death before i asked for help. i'm that stubborn.

i guess it's a good thing so many people still owe me so much money. i was ready to buy those cameras. i just hope they start paying me back before i start starving.

well, i think a storm is brewing. i'm outtie!
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sleepy girl

i've been thinking recently about how much i appreciate being well-rounded these days. it used to bother me that i wasn't particularly good at any one thing specifically. i despised my unremarkability.

but, now, it seems so right. if i wanted to be, i could be self-sufficient in almost all aspects of my life. i don't need to regurgitate the thoughts and ideas of other people because i'm intelligent enough to reason things out on my own.

and as much as i hated being mediocre in high school (as mediocre as you can be in the honors program), i'm so very glad that i did't have to sacrifice literary style for deductive reasoning.

i'm feeling very balanced anymore and it's quite nice. and what's even better is that, even in this balanced scale, i still hold more weight than most people.

i used to feel so inferior. to everyone. for everything.

thank god for self realization.
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