i hate when people confuse being realistic with being pessimistic.
edit: and what's really annoying is that the same people who tell me i'm too idealistic when it comes to my human interactions tell me i've got a fucking attitude problem because i don't think i have a friend who can afford to buy me a $78 swim suit for my birthday.
you're right. it was a waste. it has all been a waste.
i feel like i've wasted an entire lifetime and, in a way, i have. down that road, i was a different me. now i've backtracked and started anew. that life is gone and it's never coming back.
i can't believe that after all that i've done, i still have to beg for your time/energy/interest/gratitude/respect.
but what i really can't believe is that i actually beg you for anything.
i don't expect you to understand. to learn. to change. to grow.
the only thing i expect now is disappoinment and i am never disappointed in that.
someday, i'll probably wonder what it said, but not today. i'm sure i know. i'm sure it's all the same old lines. it probably filled with the same excuses you used when you were jerking my chain this time last year.
i don't know why you bothered to say anything at all after saying it would be a waste. you faith in me or you or us is depressing, despite what you claim to believe/feel.