May 7th, 2004

point & click interface

i can show you a bad attitude

i hate when people confuse being realistic with being pessimistic.

edit: and what's really annoying is that the same people who tell me i'm too idealistic when it comes to my human interactions tell me i've got a fucking attitude problem because i don't think i have a friend who can afford to buy me a $78 swim suit for my birthday.

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    sick to fucking death of it

i'm guessing it'd be a waste. and that's being realistic.

you're right. it was a waste. it has all been a waste.

i feel like i've wasted an entire lifetime and, in a way, i have. down that road, i was a different me. now i've backtracked and started anew. that life is gone and it's never coming back.

i can't believe that after all that i've done, i still have to beg for your time/energy/interest/gratitude/respect.

but what i really can't believe is that i actually beg you for anything.

i don't expect you to understand. to learn. to change. to grow.

the only thing i expect now is disappoinment and i am never disappointed in that.

someday, i'll probably wonder what it said, but not today. i'm sure i know. i'm sure it's all the same old lines. it probably filled with the same excuses you used when you were jerking my chain this time last year.

i don't know why you bothered to say anything at all after saying it would be a waste. you faith in me or you or us is depressing, despite what you claim to believe/feel.

twenty-two days is too long.
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maniacal undertow

i'm selling myself to the lowest bidder
it's not what you have to offer
it's what you offer to take away

i'll give you everything
for nothing

as long as you promise to never let me go

i'll lock up all my hopes and dreams
and conscious thought as well

and i'll live my life for you alone
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