April 13th, 2004



i'm tired of sleeping alone
i miss your arms and your breath
your heartbeat and your warmth

this bed is so big without you
and so cold

i miss the nights when i would wake you
because i wasn't sleeping
and you'd wrap yourself around me
kiss my neck
and say sweet dreams, baby

and everything would be ok

i felt safe and warm
and in moments
was asleep

i've got to be up in a couple of hours. i seriously doubt there is sleep in my near future. i feel tired, but not sleepy. my stomach is uncomfortably full of peanut butter eggs. it's too hot with the blankets and too cold without. the movie is too quiet and the dryer is too loud.

it's times like these that i envy those people who fall asleep in seconds and can sleep through anything.

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gray day

there's something very calming about being up before the sun rises. i watch those blue hues creeping through the darkness and i find myself feeling very centered, very balanced. i drive east, toward home, and stare straight into the sun.

every day is a new day, bound to be different from the last. they may be better; they may be worse. it doesn't matter. it's just important that they are these days. the good ones would not be as good, without the bad and vice versa. understanding the dynamic and experiencing the balance makes life tolerable, but not boring.

you would have loved the sunrise today. it was gray from earth to heaven and there was a haze hanging all about. it was just the kind of morning where you would say "i love these cloudy, overcast days" like you always do when they come around.

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point & click interface


besides the fact that i was a good friend and listened to amber when she talked about her brother and besides the fact she only talks about being his sister in 50% of her comments to him it's pretty fucking obvious from these two comments that kidsinthehall66 is in fact fa1ry_g1rl's brother.

who fucking knew?


but i guess she thinks i'm going to believe he's not her brother AND that she's been writing in that journal all along. if she has been (and she hasn't) she's seriously more fucked in the head than anyone i've ever known.

so, all i have to say, is right.....................

2004-04-12 08:42
i am nothing but proud of my brother, and would not ever change a thing about him.
not that i need to tell you this, but he knows that himself.

May 12th, 2004
10:52 am: this be amber fool
p.s. how do you even know that this is my brother?

this was me all the time.
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blah blah blah

pixylayne: LOL.. hey.. at least I go and do not talk about being a jr/sr in college when all I have done is dropped out!

right, because it's so illogical to talk about the classes left for your junior and senior years after you've scheduled the last semester of your sophomore year...

ohhh... and burn! i forgot it was better to just not bother showing up to your classes and fail them all. and then it's even better to take those same classes all over again the next semester and fail those too for the exact same reason. yeah, you're right, wasting your parents' money is such a better way to go, especially when you have a baby on they way and need all the help you can get from them.

oh and vincennes? VU is a public, two-year, comprehensive, community college that features a full-service student residential environment. Our primary mission is to provide associate degree and certificate programs in a wide variety of academic and occupational majors leading to entry to a four-year university or to the workforce. it's ivy tech, jess. that's why you can get vincenne's degrees from ivy tech.

and, for the record, dropping out of school is not all i have done. in fact, judging from jess' first and second semesters at UofI, i think it's safe to say i'm further along in school than she is and in half the time. but, whatevs!

people think i'm embarrassed because i withdrew from school, but i'm not. i'm not at all sorry that i think my relationships and my (healthy) survival are more important than going to school, because--guess what--if i'm not surviving, then i'm not going to make it to school anyway. besides, life is about connecting and interacting with people. sure, self improvement fits in there too, but why bother, if you're going to spend your life alone? no one will be around to appreciate your good qualities.

that's the way i live my life and i am so happy with it.
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