i think the UFO strings of the world are revolting no, seriously! in my 3 years as a proud UFO owner, i've never had the ends of a drawstring slip inside the pants or had the string fall out completely but in the last two weeks at least 5 of those suckers (from my and others' pants) have tried to escape!
DEAR JOE -> I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU TO KEEP UP WITH THE BILLS--EVEN WITH ALL THAT MONEY YOU'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD FOR THESE LAST SIX MONTHS. SO, AS MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU, I HAVE DECIDED TO HELP LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD. I KNOW (SINCE WE ARE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS) YOU WOULD DO THE SAME FOR ME. I JUST HOPE THIS SMALL FAVOR WILL BE ENOUGH. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO TO HELP OUT, BECAUSE I STILL OWE YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME IN THE LAST THREE YEARS. I KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO REPAY YOU FULLY FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME, BUT I THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD START. SO, FROM NOW ON, YOU DON'T NEED TO FRET OVER THE CELL PHONE BILL. I'VE GOT IT ALL TAKEN CARE OF. I KNOW HOW BUSY YOU ARE, SO I'M SURE THIS WILL BE A GREAT WEIGHT OFF OF YOUR SHOULDERS. I'M JUST GLAD I COULD HELP YOU OUT LIKE THIS.
ENJOY YOURSELF IN MADISON AND HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!