November 13th, 2001

a room with a view

every loneliness is a pinnacle interesting it is to see people welcoming you into their midst so eagerly, accepting you, flocking to you. why is it, do you suppose? they do plenty of snubbing on their own, but just let someone who's snubbed them all her life suddenly break down and turn gregarious -- and they'll all come rolling on their backs with their paws folded, for you to rub their bellies. why? there could be two explanations, i think. the nice one would be that they are generous and wish to honor you with their friendship. only the nice explanations are never the true ones. the other is that they know you're degrading yourself by needing them, you're coming down off a pinnacle -- every loneliness is a pinnacle -- and they're delighted to drag you down through their friendship. though, of course, none of them knows it consciously, except yourself.

he's the type of man for whom one can feel no compassion

compassion is a wonderful thing. it's what one feels when one looks at a squashed caterpillar. an elevating experience... you don't have to hold your stomach, your heart or your spirit up -- when you don't feel compassion. all you have to do is look down. it's much easier. when you look up, you get a pain in the neck. compassion is the greatest virtue. it justifies suffering. there's got to be suffering in the world, else how would we be virtuous and feel compassion? ... oh, it has an antthesis -- but such a hard, demanding one. admiration. ... so i say that anyone for whom we can't feel sorry is a viscious preson. like howard roark

stupid brain

why is that
after waiting
all day
just to talk to you
all i can do
is be short
and mean

to talk
is all i've wanted
all day
and now my brain won't let me

stupid brain
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