i think he was actually trying to make me feel better, but talking to him always makes me feel worse.
i feel guilty because i haven't forgiven him.
i feel stupid because i still care what he thinks of me.
i feel angry because since i left him, he's become most of the things i wanted him to be.
and i can't help but compare my life to his and see that he is better off without me and just better of than me too.
and now he's matured and healed enough to where he can invite me out to do things. so he's surpassed me there. awesome.
i really am glad for him. i'm sure of that. but i have to admit it makes me feel pretty shitty about how my life has turned out in the last 18 months.
it took me five years to come terms with seeing larry happy without me (even though i broke up with him because i knew i was no good for him). so, jeezz... look me up in a decade and i might finally have this shit under control.
all i wanted to do was see collin spin and drink some rum punch. but this hit me like a ton of bricks instead.
it's times like this i regret living alone.
i'm not going to lie. the thought has crossed my mind.
so, i dunno... i think i'm going to do some shots and pass the fuck out.
i wish i didn't have to sleep alone tonight.