anyway, my point is that this dude has managed to make me feel guilty for not doing something i never said i would do. i was laying in bed watching a movie and feeling bad that i wasn't writing a letter instead. but i don't want to write a letter! and even if i did, i don't have shit to say to this guy besides "your letter seems trite and insincere."
of course, i can't say that, because i have to work next to this dude for the next three years.
i feel like my hand is being forced in this matter and it really bothers me. i want to go back to where what i wanted mattered too (or first). i wish i could find that balance of standing up for myself and not being a bitch again.
relatedly, the girl who works near me is shitty with me now because the guys she likes are
even after saying all this and realizing how stupid it is for letting people make me feel bad for doing what i want, i'm hesitating to walk away from this letter.
fuck these games.