sWell (shakewell) wrote,

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he loves me, i love him not

the boy who wrote me that love letter told me he was upset with me today. he was under the impression that i would have a similar letter for him. i don't know why he would think that. i am 100% certain that i did not agree to respond in kind. regardless of whether i like the kid or not, i know i'm far too over-extended to waste time trying to think of romantical (yeah, i just watched monsters, inc., shut up) verses to scrawl to a stranger. i ought to hand him a copy of my c program and see if he thinks it's as sexy as i do.

anyway, my point is that this dude has managed to make me feel guilty for not doing something i never said i would do. i was laying in bed watching a movie and feeling bad that i wasn't writing a letter instead. but i don't want to write a letter! and even if i did, i don't have shit to say to this guy besides "your letter seems trite and insincere."

of course, i can't say that, because i have to work next to this dude for the next three years.

i feel like my hand is being forced in this matter and it really bothers me. i want to go back to where what i wanted mattered too (or first). i wish i could find that balance of standing up for myself and not being a bitch again.

relatedly, the girl who works near me is shitty with me now because the guys she likes are after me all up in my business. (this is interesting, since she has a live-in girlfriend, by the way.) i wish i could make her see that i'm not interested in them, but she'll have none of it. girls are so mean when they're jealous. it's so not cool.

damn it.

even after saying all this and realizing how stupid it is for letting people make me feel bad for doing what i want, i'm hesitating to walk away from this letter.

fuck these games.
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