sWell (shakewell) wrote,

my parents are home. i still feel alone. i guess i wasn't homesick after all. i'm tempted to go up there today. but i don't really have anything in particular i want to talk about. i don't won't them worrying that i'm depressed again (am i?) so i guess i'll just stay here.


this weekend was pretty fun for the most part. kradams, of course, bailed out halfway through the night (as i expected her to). i could tell she wanted to leave, but kept saying she was fine and everything was cool. then, all of a sudden, she was ready to walk out the door. so, i didn't care that she wanted to leave, i just wish she would have given me some warning. but, whatever, that's what pseudo-friends do i guess...

i found myself telling her things i didn't mean to. i know that i can't trust her. but, christ, i don't talk to anyone about anything anymore. so, it all just spilled right out. it will be interesting to see where that goes...


oh, and how could i forget. spooge blew me off and didn't even bother with a phone call. fuck it.

bad things happened again, only this time it was worse.
there was blood on his hands and dried tears on my face.
i wonder if i even tried to stop it this time.

i doubt it.

what's the fucking point?

i must have known it would happen when i put myself in that situation. i probably wanted it to happen so i'd have an excuse for being so sad.

sometimes i think being raped and left for dead would be the perfect end for me. since all i am to most people is a pretty face and a golden pussy.

i hope i never have a daughter.
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