sWell (shakewell) wrote,

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lingering delusions of normality

i took down my page on iPWiB. and i hadn't really planned on using lj anymore. but i'm bored and i feel like bitching. so here it is.

i'd resolved to lose weight this year, not because i was particularly unhappy with my looks or fitness really, but because being anorexic seemed like a good excuse to be sad and unhealthy.

but today i put on my bathing suit.

and now i am very unhappy with my body.

i have back fat for chrissakes! i weigh 120 lbs. and i have back fat. i mean, come on! and my thighs... they're huge. i used to be ok with that, because my legs were strong as hell. but now i'm just weak and flabby.

my waist is what really disgusts me. i think a nice hourglass waist is just about the hottest thing on a femme. i read a theory once that men are really just attracted to women by their hip-to-waist ratio. one-to-one isn't really cuttin' it for me.

and how the fuck did i end up with stretch marks?! i always thought i had a great body, but apparently i was just fat and didn't know it. fucking hell.

so tomorrow i'll hit the water and one-a-days and maybe i'll even hit the bricks and start running again if i can find some place that isn't iced over.

sit-ups, here i come.
Tags: body, health, ipwib, resolutions
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