sWell (shakewell) wrote,
sWell
shakewell

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make new friends, but keep the old

i had a really excellent phone conversation with banjo a couple days ago (before her cell died anyway). it was kind of funny since i'd resolved never to call her again because she hadn't answered or returned my calls for the last month. but when i sat down to write her a letter, i realized i didn't have her new address. so, one last call was in order.

we talked about a lot of different things. i've completely missed so many important things in her life over the last couple of years. i think she's changed a lot, but so have i. and we still seem to be a lot alike (which makes me all the more woeful that we've lost touch).

anyway, what we talked the most about were relationships--platonic and otherwise. it was strange to hear her repeating my exact thoughts to me when she'd never heard them before. her relationships with boys play out identically to mine and she finds herself generally uninterested in investing in new friendships, but entirely too busy to maintain the old.

a lot of madtown kids seem to be experiencing the latter phenomenon, which is probably why 90% of my friends live within five miles of one another. even when you get out of madison, it's black hole effects are still apparent. i guess it's just easier to hold on to your old life than risk the great unknown.

not that i'm opposed to people holding on to what they know if they love it. i do love my madison friends--all of them--even if i don't get to show them so very often.

it just seems odd to maintain an entire core group of friends from the age of 12 onward. are we all clinging to the mutual fear of life after high school? are we stunting growth or missing opportunities? probably, yes.

but maybe not. maybe these are the best friends i will ever have and it would be shame to waste time looking for new friends when i've already found these kindred souls.

looking back, while i did grow and learn from the experiences, my time with jo3, fa1ry_g1rl, vegeta_death, pixylayne, kradams and ben was essentially wasted. i put my true friends on the back burner for them, so it's no surprise that i ended up alone when all was said and done.

so, what's the point? i guess i'm trying to convince myself that i don't need to go out looking for new friends in every person i meet. there's a fairly good chance they won't be worth the trouble. and, almost certainly, they're not worth damaging the friendships i already have.

i really do have all the friends i need--and more than i can handle. (although it would be nice to have a close friend in the same area code for once!)

so, i'm resolving to be a better friend. to communicate. to trust. to be trustworthy. to be honest and open. to support. to encourage. to be available. i was going to wait for the new year to make this resolution, but that seemed silly. god only knows what could happen between now and then and i'd hate to think i missed my last chance to tell someone i cared.

and, i'm going to write more letters and send more care packages! i'm not saying i'm going to do it everyday, but i would like to do it at least once a year for each of my friends.

i've already got things in the works for tyler, tanny, danny and caleb, but i'd like to have a composite list of addresses for everyone. so, leave a comment and i'll add you to my list. (also, all you kids with new school addresses need to get me up to date on those!)
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