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people make it too easy

i dreamed about him last night. kasey bradley was there too, in keeping with my recent TMBG kick. but he was there and maybe his new crush. i don't remember what he was doing exactly, but i felt like he was trying very hard to impress me with his new life. i find that amusing, since i can't even recall one single time that he's actually tried to impress me.

and he never had to. i made him the god of my life before i'd ever even laid eyes on him. i heard all about him. i fantasized about who he was and created an entity not at all like him and fell in love with the mask i made for him. i idolized him and every time a glimpse of the real him peeked through the shroud, i buried it, i ignored it and i added another layer onto him to cover up the imperfection.

i do it with everyone i meet. i have high ideals and don't understand why people don't live up to them. i give them every chance to be perfect people. i forgive and i forget. but no one wants to be perfect.

i don't understand people. i don't understand how he could say he knows he only wants to be with me but he also needs leave his options open. that doesn't make any fucking sense at all. i guess no one trusts anyone anymore, not even themselves. how sad.

XXX

cunts
i found something today. it was too easy, so obvious. people really don't have a clue.

i found out jo3 dropped the japanese class we had together. i guess that saves me the trouble of having to avoid talking to him. still, what a pussy. i guess we know i still wear the pants in that relationship (however dysfunctional it may be).

XXX

jazz kitchen
slater hogan invited me to eat free waffles and hear some house last night, but with all previous commitments (wallowing on the temurpedic, watching movies, not sleeping) i completely spaced the event. damn.

it's probably for the best, since the more i hear him spin, the more i think i don't like him as a dj. and, since i already find him incredibly creepy, it's probably for the best that i never see him socially. lol.

XXX

school house rocks
classes begin next week. i'm getting very excited. (i'm sure it will wane following my first actualy class meetings, but for now i'm eager with anticipation.)

i can't wait to start getting into japanese. i've been looking over my books already and i think it's going to be neat that i will actually have a lot of friends that i can practice with this semester. opiate and epiphany already know quite a bit and spooge is taking an intro course this semester too. we'll probably throw some dorky japanese speaking dance dance parties in bloomington later this year. god we're dorks. =)

this is the only foreign language class i'm required to take, but i plan i going much further with it. i really wish i'd learned more languages when i was young and it would have been easier. alas, i did not. so, i'll just immerse myself in japanese instead. i'm considering IUPUI's JET program in the future, but that's a long way off.

[i need to stop building things up like that. i need to focus on the now. i have to pass this class before i can take more, etc. i mean, ever time i take a new course (physics for instance) i consider adding a major. calm down, swellbaby. one day at a time.]

i'm sort of looking forward to my programming course, too, just not the bullshit binary component of the lecture. i will never ever EVER in my life flip a fucking bit on a god damned mainframe.... gra! i need to scheme some sort of reward and punishment regime for attending or not-attending these lectures. double rewards for actually paying attention.

statistics. bleh.

logic and the foundations of algebra. i dunno. *yay math* i guess.

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