sWell (shakewell) wrote,
sWell
shakewell

goodbye idiot people (lost in translation)

wow.

i had no idea people would get so excited about chinese food. of course, i can't believe how excited i am about it either. but i don't want to go to a shitty buffet. i want a big meal with lots of people so i can try 20 different types of food. i want it to be like on teevee when people are just grabbing bites out of other peoples' take out boxes with their chopsticks.

XXX

i'm going camping and canoing with my immediate and extended family this weekend. should be fun. i'm looking forward to s'mores mostly.

as an added bonus, i get to drive the altima out to turkey run. yay!

XXX

my paper on "the communist manifesto" is still non-existent. i have everything i want to say already, i just haven't felt like putting it together yet.

will i ever stop procrastinating?

on a related note, just how long can i maintain this charade of prolonging adolescence?

XXX

got my scholarship from my grandparents yesterday. lovely. now can buy groceries.

as much as i love self-sufficiency, i do hate walking this line between lower-middle class and poverty. i mean, i know my parents wouldn't let me live on the street or whatever, but i don't want them to ever HAVE to bail me out.

XXX

i'm really having a blast at work lately. since i called off, everyone seems to be much more appreciative of the (good) work do. no one ever wants to have to do my job again.

and when things aren't busy, it's like high school or something. we just laugh and crack jokes all damn day. i laughed so hard i cried today and it was terrific.

i'm half-tempted to socialize with these people in the real world, but i don't think i will. i always seem to get myself into the biggest messes that way. i'd much rather just keep right on enjoying work.

but sometimes i do get lonely. yesterday, it hit me like a ton of bricks. the weird thing was that i wasn't actually lonely until i talked to stewbot on the phone. i wish my be friends didn't live an hour away. i wish i wasn't jealous of the fact that most of them live together or live within a few minutes walk of each other.

because i really do like my life. i love my apartment now. i like my school and my job. i like the pseudo big city.

it would just be cool if on one of those down in the dumps days i could just jet over to a friends' place to have some company instead of driving to my parents' place in carmel.

i fear my emotional dependence on my parents (my dad) is holding me back. just today i drove up to get help on my outline for that paper when i could have EASILY done it alone. in fact, i did it myself anyway. it just feels so much better to have my dad there nodding in agreement.

i guess we all have our crutches.
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