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pour some sugar on me

i've got my halloween plans. hells yes. costume? hell no.

this damned july heat hangs heavy like honey on christmas. i'm sick of sticky sweat and fucking flyaways. i'm in a mood for poetic prose, but i still have nothing to say. untrue. i have a lot to say, but we're all sick of hearing it. it's all about him. or them in general. it's not so much repetition of the same sad song, but remixes of the same tired themes. i need sleep like you wouldn't fucking believe, but there's not time. gotta eat, gotta go, gotta jet, gotta run. god i gotta get outta this place. the paint in the apartment is so much better than i had hoped it would be. home. it really is home now. even after he left, something wasn't right. i had to purge his remaining possessions, cover the scars on the walls and my heart. only two things remain. remove them and i'll finally be free of that burden once and for all. will it be better to forget? will i fall prey to the same mistakes if i don't remember? who's to say. i feel good now. strong. proud. independent. loved. appreciated. so who do i thank for that? in a way i guess it's thanks to him. ("thanks for destroying my life, douche bag.") i'd hardly say i owe him.

how is it every time i say i'm not going to talk about that, i end up talking about it? bah!

many birthdays looming. wish i had more time. more money. i've got all the love in the world, but i just can't seem to show it. so misunderstood. it boggles me. i really have no idea what i do wrong. i mean, i understand what things people get upset about, but i don't understand why. blah, blah, blah. i'm making new friends, but i don't have the time. they'll fade soon. and i'm sorry for that. old friends are on hold too. it's terrible. but they understand. and there's one friend i just can't seem to forgive. i'm so fucking stubborn. i just feel so betrayed. violated. and i'm sure he can't understand why. maybe four years and another funeral later we'll try again.

XXX

anyone want to go out for chinese sometime soon? i'm DYING to have some god damned general tso's chicken.

Comments

( 8 comments — Say Something )
quarantine
Jul. 21st, 2004 10:52 am (UTC)
Next time you're in town, give me a call.
Every time I suggest chinese to Eli or Stew or anyone, they're all NO YUCK I HATE IT.
surjay
Jul. 21st, 2004 11:58 am (UTC)
Yeah, they are fools.

dano_rocks
Jul. 21st, 2004 10:55 am (UTC)
some chinese sounds delicous!
surjay
Jul. 21st, 2004 11:59 am (UTC)
I know you're not down this way often, but I'm always down for Chinese the times you are.
jwendl
Jul. 21st, 2004 12:48 pm (UTC)
Find your own favorite, General Tso's Chicken is mine and has been for the past 3 years :-P

Just ask the local oriental restaurant on the U of MN campus, they will tell you that I eat there almost every day for lunch. Heck the wait staff does not need to ask what I want anymore...

I personally do not think it is good though to forget mistakes of the past, rather one should embrace them with open arms and proclaim "Yeah I dun fucked up!". With realizing your mistakes and taking responsibility for even starting anything regarding that, then life becomes that much more easier oblivious.
me0wkp
Jul. 21st, 2004 08:05 pm (UTC)
oh im all for the chinese food outing. my parents dont really like it and neither does ryan, so i hardly ever go. count me in.
sexion
Jul. 22nd, 2004 07:42 am (UTC)
whatever happened with you taking a trip out to north carolina this summer?

i hardly ever eat chinese food, but if you come see me, i'll buy!
shakewell
Jul. 23rd, 2004 06:28 pm (UTC)
north carolina, raise your hands up
i never did make it out there. i guess i chickened out. i still wanna go out there sometime, though. and i can't pass up a free meal!

i doubt i'd be able to get more time off this summer. and i can't say NC sounds exciting in the winter. what's it (particularly the ocean) like in the spring?
( 8 comments — Say Something )

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