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re: maniacal undertow

i had the opportunity to sell out
but i couldn't do it
i'm stronger than i thought i was

in case i haven't explained the dual nature of amanda
there are two sides to my life
to my mind

there's me
and there's the depression

i can't stop the bad thoughts
(you wouldn't believe what goes on in this head)
but now i can suppress the actions
finally

crisis of faith (in me) averted

Comments

( 6 comments — Say Something )
grae_
May. 9th, 2004 09:41 am (UTC)
i can't stop the bad thoughts
(you wouldn't believe what goes on in this head)
but now i can suppress the actionsfinally


elaborate, if you could.
django_django
May. 9th, 2004 10:36 am (UTC)
elaborate? why dwell on thoughts you want to get rid of?
shakewell
May. 10th, 2004 01:56 am (UTC)
i don't want to go into details
death, destruction, self-sabotage

i think i imagine the worst (and i do mean absolute worst) case scenario 99% of the time.

most of the times, i don't even feel like i want these things to happen. but i see a knife and i see myself cutting. i get in a car and i see myself driving off a bridge.
grae_
May. 10th, 2004 04:36 am (UTC)
Re: i don't want to go into details
That's basically exactly what I thought you meant.

How are you going about suppressing those actions?
shakewell
May. 10th, 2004 07:32 am (UTC)
Re: i don't want to go into details
it's not anything i have to consciously do really. it's just that other part of my brain that doesn't want to do those stupid things is stronger now.

so when i'm sad, i think about cutting, but when i see a knife i don't pick it up.
exnoctemnacimur
May. 9th, 2004 02:17 pm (UTC)
hun, i can empathize completely.
my recent entries should be at least partially evident enough.
( 6 comments — Say Something )

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