so, after meeting up with micah, nicholas and i drove down to bardstown for wheninhell's graduation party. nicholas drove crazily, as always, and he got pulled over less than a block from wheninhell's apartment complex for running a red turn arrow.

a police chopper flew over with it's spotlight blazing and then another officer arrived as back up. sheesh! then the police gave us some bad directions and told us to turn around. at the same stoplight, one of the officers peeled out next to us and, at the next light, the other ran a red. fucking jerks.

eventually, we made it to the party and things were pretty well bumpin' already. the majority of those in attendance were LJers, but i failed to get their usernames. (i'm sure larbdoof can hook me up in a comment.) from madison, it was wheninhell, larbdoof, san_yo, noforgiveness, thomas, nicholas and i.

i didn't get all that drunk, but i really had a fucking blast. it was a nice change of pace for me to hang out with these friends-of-friends (or acquaintances) with out our mutual friends around to buffer interactions. these people all have the potential to be great friends to me. i just don't know them that well or see them that often. i'd really like to do something to change that.

i also noticed that i still think of noforgiveness as that 14-year-old i met in high school. it's not that he acts immature or anything. i just knew him then and then i didn't know him at all for awhile, so that's how i've remembered him. i have the same problem with the freshman guard girls from my senior year. i guess it's the gap that does it, because i don't think of wheninhell or nicholas in that way. anyway, i hope that i grow out of that mindset soon, because these kids are all growing up now and i want to appreciate that.

i wonder at what age will everyone i know from school will seem the same age as me. i'm guessing around 30. definitely by 50. won't that be weird?

so, at the end of the night, i was nursing larbdoof and san_yo on the patio. we stayed up until the sun came up. i guess some people were annoyed with the ordeal, but i didn't mind. well, i was tired of standing up, but other than that it was all good.

for a while, i was actually really enjoying myself. noforgiveness and some other kids were walking in the street below, the rain was light and warm, larbdoof was talking about how great i was, san_yo was just quietly enjoying a back rub. it was just nice. every few minutes i'd find myself stretching myself out from head to toe and leaning over the railing. i could feel the rain on my fingers and my neck and i was stretching every muscle in my body.

i just felt alive. and everything seemed simple and beautiful. it was a lovely night and i am very thankful for it.

sometimes i surprise myself and discover i'm not the person i thought i was at all. it's amazing when you can teach yourself something once and a while.

anyway, thanks to all those crazy kids for such a fabulous time. congrats again to wheninhell. and thanks to larbdoof for the yoohoo and the ride back to madison!

that reminds me, the drive home was so lovely. i get so used to driving alone or with people who can't be bothered to talk to me. larbdoof talked a lot about music and lyrics. i just smiled and nodded and laughed because i don't know much about any of those things. still, i enjoyed the discussion. most of all, i was just loving the weather and the day as a whole. the sun was out but it wasn't too hot. there were flowers and leaves on the trees and everything looked so alive. i put my hand out the window to feel the world rush by while i sat completely still. i let the wind move my fingers and hair and the sun warm my skin, but the rest of the world couldn't touch me. i think that was the first time in a long time that i let my mind sit still too. (it's not an easy thing for me to do at all.) it was amazing. and i felt so calm, clean and relaxed afterward.

but then we got behind a horse trailer and impatience set in. *sigh* what did i have to be in a hurry for? i was living in a series of perfect moments. what more did i want? larbdoof dropped me off and there were awkward goodbyes. i wanted to say more but i didn't and felt guilty afterward. i was alone at my car (which was an oven!) in a town that wasn't home anymore. i had phone calls to fear and schedules to keep. bleh... it was a terrible waste of a perfect afternoon.