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i deposited my first paycheck from the 'x today. and since it had been over two months since i deposited my last paycheck, i'd forgotten that i'd been putting money from each check away for ayden.

so, in honor of ben's visit to indy today and in light of my now being dead to him, i took all that money out and spent it!

i got some good little gifts for a couple of friends and i also bought some cute things for myself. i finally got a pair of fucking sunglasses too (thank god!).

i saw a lot of cute things that i would have loved to have bought for ayden, but that's not my place anymore. so, i just bought some snazzy, dressy stuff for me instead.

i think i could really get into fashion. who ever thought i would be out shopping for skirts and heels? certainly not me. but it sure does feel good to look good.

it also feels good--really good--to not apologize for not doing anything wrong.


sometimes, i really fucking love mall muzak. it gets me SO pumped.

probably too pumped. heh.


the phone calls today were quite a mess. i made a practice call to domino's and ordered a pizza. i pretty much fucked that call up in every way possible. ops!

after that i felt like i couldn't possibly do any worse, so i called micah. i think i was fine, but i could tell he was super-nervous, so that made me nervous. man... i think i may have hung up on him in the end, i really don't know. i was glad to talk to him again, but i was really glad to get off that damn phone too.

i called angie, but just left messages. she's so hard to get ahold of in person.

i called wes, but he wasn't home. it was during that call that i noticed i have two different greetings depending on who answers the phone. if it's the person i'm trying to reach i just say "hey, (your name)! what's up?" and hope that they recognize my voice. if it's anyone else, i say "may i please speak to (that person)?"

i think the "may i please..." business makes me come off like a dork, so i try to avoid saying it to people i actually hang out with. of course, i don't want come off as rude to anyone else (especially parents) so that's why i try to be polite to others.

^it's probably things like that make me so nervous about making calls.

hmmm... stewbot called before ER and then i called him back after ER and that was cake because i talk to him all the time.

i was also going to call my sister, but it was late and i never can remember when she works, so i scratched that plan.

and i couldn't remember when i said i'd call me0wkp so i didn't call her either. i will definitely call her when i get to town Saturday!

and at some point i will have to call wheninhell.

oh and i have to call nicholas back even though i just talked to him yesterday.

how does someone who hates the phone so much end up making so many calls?! it's crazy...

much love.


( 14 comments — Say Something )
Apr. 22nd, 2004 10:58 pm (UTC)
I always say 'may I speak to..' on the phone. My parents would never let me say 'is so-and-so there' when I was a kid, they said it was rude, and I think it is too.

Of course, I don't say it if the person I'm calling picks up the phone.

I also have a problem calling people that I don't know. I think I've gotten better because I volunteered to call accepted students earlier this year. I didn't remember how I didn't like to call people until after I got there, so I had to do it, but now it's easier for me to do.
Apr. 23rd, 2004 05:59 am (UTC)
i was a telemarketer (twice!) and it still bugs me to make personal calls. i think i would actually rather talk to strangers than friends (as far as comfort levels are concerned--i actually hate talking to strangers for entirely different reasons).

i guess it's the fear of seeing or talking to this person again after the call that gets me. i know they'll have a chance to make fun of me someday or something. lol.

i'm so fucking worrisome.
Apr. 22nd, 2004 11:46 pm (UTC)
are they aviators??
Apr. 23rd, 2004 05:56 am (UTC)
ha! i wish!
Apr. 23rd, 2004 08:38 am (UTC)
i love my avs, they are so sweeet!
Apr. 23rd, 2004 07:29 am (UTC)
those triple X's does that me you are
edge? HAHAAHHAHAHA silly sXe kids sign
off when three x's.
Apr. 23rd, 2004 12:13 pm (UTC)
fuck no!
it's a journalism thing, signaling the end of a story.
Apr. 23rd, 2004 12:46 pm (UTC)
Re: fuck no!
now if only those edge kids would put an
end to their lives.
Apr. 23rd, 2004 12:52 pm (UTC)
i should have said i'm down with some much better X's or something.

hey, you were edge once. they don't need to end their lives, just change 'em.
Apr. 24th, 2004 11:54 am (UTC)
Re: shit
Apr. 23rd, 2004 10:01 am (UTC)
re: may i please speak to...
when people would call for me, my dad would pick up and if they said "is maria there?" he'd say yes and hang up. if they said "can i speak to maria?" he would say, yes it seems that you can, and hang up. He wouldn't give me the phone unless the asked properly, "may I speak to maria." not really on subject with your post. but whatever
Apr. 23rd, 2004 12:12 pm (UTC)
Re: may i please speak to...
haha that reminds me of how my brother used to do that to my friends, only he said yes and hung up on everyone.

he would also slam the door in their faces.
Apr. 23rd, 2004 03:47 pm (UTC)
the phone scares the shit out of me too. i don't even know why. i'm a super-dork when i call people. even if i think that the person who answers is probably the person i am trying to reach, i will still sometimes say "may i please speak to..." also, i almost always end it with "thanks for calling. (or talking)." even though i hate when people call me and i hate calling others.

"sometimes i'm so full of shit that it should be a crime."

i love your new icon. that's hot.
Apr. 23rd, 2004 04:36 pm (UTC)
yeah i always end up saying "well it was really great to talk/hear from you." even though it is great to hear from them, it is never great to talk to them. eh.

somehow i feel a little better knowing that the majority of people i know have this same illegitimate fear as i do. sure, it's bad for all of us, but at least i know that these people are as uncomfortable as i am when we speak telephonically.
( 14 comments — Say Something )

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