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mind numbing

over a year. what a drug out stop, huh. i'm shaking. probably because i am finally understanding what is going on. we don't get along. we don't treat each other the way we need to be treated. we can't change each other the way we had hoped. we can't tolerate physical interaction for more than a few hours.
no matter what we do, its under appreciated. i don't make you happy. and that damn sign compatability thing was right all along. i tried to look past all of that.
but it caught up. i wish i had more to say. i wish i could make it all right. but i can't. and i'm sorry i wasted your time. i'd love to remain friends. but it doesn't look like i'm good enough for that. reply if you'd like. best wishes.

...

he will be happier. his friends will be happier. it's better this way. i know that. it hurts a lot. but i'm glad he's finally figured it all out. this has been far too long in the making.

i'm happy that i knew him at all. that i got to share in a part of his life and watch him grow up. i learned a lot from him. about boys, about the world and about myself. it was never a waste of time.

i can't say that i've progressed at all, however. i learned a lot. but i know i'll make the same mistakes tomorrow. at least he has gained some knowledge from this. i know he'll be ok. but will i?

Comments

( 3 comments — Say Something )
heartspumpdust
Dec. 19th, 2001 05:17 pm (UTC)
the elliot smith day saga
amanda.
when i first learned of you i
wanted to hate you. really and
i tried. but as i actually got
to know you, i realized that
we are so alike it is unreal.
your really a great girl who
cares and wants to be there
for your friends. your honest,
and yourself. which makes you
one of the few people who are
genuine. and this is an experience.
maybe this is the solution, or
maybe this is just something that
needs to be done for the time
being, whichever it may be i expect
you to progress. which might i add
i'm certain you have. i'm sure that
you've grown more than your seeing.
i'm glad that we have gotten to be
"friends" through this all. and i
hope that the best comes from this.
take care swell..
shakewell
Dec. 19th, 2001 05:55 pm (UTC)
i know... i know....
thank you for that.
i needed it.
phaedros
Dec. 20th, 2001 02:07 am (UTC)
hey sugar,
come over sometime...i'll give you a great big hug and we can smoke some herb. you can sleep in my bed and i'll snuggle with you...or we can have a silly sleep-over and watch movies and play with make-up *wink* you are such a hottie and a very worthwhile person. i like talking to you online and i always read your journal (i'm never bored, by the way). one day, the bad karma will catch up to all of those people who think they are brilliant and love to insult people. they will find out that they really don't have any original thoughts in their head and they might irritate the wrong person and get their ass kicked. they can't defend themselves because they are a pathetic weakling and what little prick they do have will get smashed in...oh...sorry...i think i took that a little too far...oh well, it's not as though i'm talking about anyone specifically...


( 3 comments — Say Something )

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